Llamado a Servir

I got my call!!!! I'll be serving in the California Rancho Cucamonga mission, speaking Spanish!! I'm so excited. I report to the Mexico CCM on Dec 31.

I am so so happy. My decision to serve has been a L-O-N-G process.. I started my application two years ago (Sept of 2012). I was dating R at the time but I knew that I wanted to serve and would regret not going. When I asked my bishop to open an application he had been planning on asking me to be a ward missionary.

When I started filling out my papers and praying about it I felt like I needed to finish school before I left. Instead of stopping, I contacted all of my scholarship people and asked if they would guarantee that they would hold my scholarships for me if I left for three semesters and they said they would. I thought that solved the problem, but I still felt weird about serving. So I fasted and felt like I definitely was not supposed to go. Then, a month later, the age requirements changed and I got a distinct impression that I wasn't needed as a missionary right then.

So I kept moving toward my degree and kept dating R. Then he and I got a little more serious and I decided that I probably wasn't going to serve a mission because I was going to just be with him and work while he went through school.

Then I started praying and fasting about whether R and I should move forward and I was definitely told no, that we needed to break up. Anyone who was around me in that dark period of my life knows how that went, ha ha. It was a very low point. I was a total mess about it and I didn't want to break up with him. It didn't seem fair or right. We got along well. I liked his family. We were both doing well and going to church and praying and reading scriptures. However, I couldn't deny the answer I had been given, so we ended things. That was a long, drawn-out, emotional process. BUT because we broke up I spent a lot of time with the sisters in our ward. Like, I went out with them at least three times weekly all summer. It kind of reignited my desire to serve, but I felt like I had already made plans not to go on a mission so I just brushed it aside. Maybe I was just meant to be a ward missionary.

Then I started my senior year and tried to figure out what I was going to do after I graduated. I like having plans and being prepared. Like, really. I am an Excel-budget-for-every-possible-situation type of girl. I applied for Teach for America and got accepted. But when I fasted about doing that I felt like it wasn't right. Then I decided I would keep working for the law firm that I worked for my senior year, but fasted and felt like that was wrong, too. Then I was offered the Disney internship and felt like that was what I should do, even though it didn't pay very much and it was across the country and I would have to leave Erik and Tucson before I wanted to and my dad would have to watch Luna. Despite all of the logical reasons why Disney World was not right for me, I felt like it was where I needed to go. Don't get me wrong, I love the Mouse and I was excited. I just felt like it definitely didn't make sense.

Also my senior year, I started dating Erik and realized that he and I really clicked well and had a lot of good things in common. He made me want to be better and he helped me to grow and achieve more than anyone else I had ever dated. He made me laugh and comforted me and I was (and am) so impressed with how hard he works and what he stands for. I got really excited for him when he put in his papers and got his call. And then I realized (again) that I really wanted to serve.

The day Erik opened his mission call I went home and finished filling out all of my papers, so that God would know that I was ready and willing. I also made appointments for the medical and dental portions of the paperwork. I kept praying and trying to see if it was what I should do, but all I got back was "Take it a step at a time." Specifically, the song Lead Kindly Light was repeated in my life over and over (I fasted on General Conference weekend last April and one of the first songs that MoTab sang was Lead Kindly Light. Right before the session started, as I was driving to Erik's house, I had a distinct impression that that song would be the answer to my fast.). I knew that I was supposed to go to Florida, and after that I only knew that God would let me know.

I went back and forth for a long time. One day I'd decide that I was going to serve and the next I decided that it made more sense for me to work and save money and get established. I made so many tentative plans. I was going to put in my papers ASAP. I was going to wait until right after Florida. I was going to wait until six months after Florida. I actually wasn't going to go at all. My poor family, and poor Erik, got so many mixed messages.

In Florida I attended the ward for young single adults and felt awful. I left and as I was crying on my way home I felt like I needed to go to the family ward instead. The next week I did.

That Sunday was a missionary farewell. The songs we sang were "I'll Go Where You Want Me to Go," "With Humble Heart," "Called to Serve," and "Lord, I Would Follow Thee." I met with Bishop Beck that first Sunday so we could get to know each other. During the meeting I mentioned that I had mission papers but didn't know if I wanted to go or not. He really encouraged me to and I fasted about it again the next day and finally felt great about it. I talked to all of my extended family and asked if they would be able to help pay for me to go (because I had absolutely nothing saved) and they pulled together and figured it out.

My situation in Florida was less than ideal. I needed to be making money and that wasn't happening with a minimum wage job. I also wasn't around people that I really felt could help me learn and grow and be lifted. My roommates were really..different than me. To say the least. They were really nice and I have a spot in my heart for each of them, but I felt like I was living in a sorority house. One day I came home and they were watching porn in the living room, because the girl in the porno went to high school with one of my roommates and she wanted to see if she was any good. Those sort of shenanigans happened regularly, but that was kind of the last straw. I decided that I needed to peace out.

I went to the Orlando temple to do baptisms and prayed there for a long time. I knew I was supposed to go to Florida for some reason. I didn't feel like I had done anything significant enough to justify the cost of moving. How could I have served my purpose there, or how was I supposed to stay there long enough to serve my purpose in that environment? I also talked to my friend, Zac. He managed to speak straight to my soul. He reminded me of a lot of things that I already knew, but that were so frequently said that I took them for granted. With his encouragement and the Spirit's guidance, I decided it was time to leave Florida.

My aunt and uncle (who live in Minnesota) had invited me to live with them until I left on my mission. Their offer had stood for a while, I just wasn't sure if I wanted it. I didn't know anyone in MN, I didn't have a job in MN. I had never even been to MN (quite frankly I wasn't exactly sure where MN was). I wasn't sure I wanted my papers to leave from MN, because I didn't want to go back after my mission to MN. But I prayed about it and felt like it was what was supposed to happen. They were going to Nauvoo the next week with my mom and two younger siblings and thought it would be cool if I could meet them there and then drive the rest of the way to MN. I quit the next day and left two days later.

Coincidentally my younger sister in Arizona was in a situation that she needed to get out of. She flew to Florida and drove with me to Nauvoo, which helped both of us.

Nauvoo was a wonderful experience that really helped strengthen my testimony of the Restoration and showed me that people can do hard things. I really learned and felt a lot.

Now I am in MN. The day I got here I had a job interview and was offered the job. Since then, I have had multiple job offers, most of which I had to turn down. Now I am working about 50 hours/week as a nanny, saving up for my mission (and after my mission and before my mission), and learning and growing and studying. I got all of my papers put in (which I was impatient about and felt like it took forever to gather the information from my Tucson bishop and my Florida bishop and my Lakeside doctor and dentist).

The wait for my call was killer. Let me tell you, patience is not something I have a lot of. I was checking the mailbox daily (also waiting for letters from Erik, so there were multiple reasons to be excited). I decided that I was going to get my call on Thursday, Sept 11 (13 days after I had submitted it). I checked the mail every ten minutes. Our mail here doesn't usually arrive until like 4:30, that day it didn't come until closer to 5. My aunt finally put a note on the mailbox, letting the mail carrier know that Chanda Crossman was expecting an important missionary call from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. She requested that when it was delivered the mail carrier honk "excessively and obnoxiously" so we could run out and get the mail. We attached a bag of mini-Ghiradelli squares with a note "Mini Thanks!" The mail was delivered that day, no honk, no call. So I resigned myself to wait another week (because I was very certain, for some reason, that my call would be delivered on a Thursday...).

The next day I was supposed to work from 7AM-5PM and then from 7:30PM-10:30PM. My first job ended early and I got off at 2PM. As I was driving home I had a very specific daydream that I was going to pull into my driveway and the mail would be delivered right then and my call would be in it. I scolded myself for getting too excited and working myself up. As I pulled into my driveway, the mail carrier pulled behind me to our mailbox and delivered our mail and honked "excessively and obnoxiously" a whole two hours earlier than usual. I went to check and my call was there! WOO.

I couldn't open it until 11:30 that night, because that was the next time everyone was available to gather together. I texted a few people, letting them know it had come. I got to talk to Zac, Alec, and Wade. As I was talking to Zac (or Alec?... I can't remember) I mentioned how much I missed In N Out and tacos. They told me I just needed to hope for a call to Anaheim and I would be set.

I opened the call surrounded by my family who lives in MN and electronically surrounded by other friends and family. I made a few wisecracks about it being past the Holy Ghost's bedtime, etc.. My call is perfect. I opened it and read it. Then my aunt started everyone singing Called To Serve (which I have been memorizing in Spanish).

I might not ever understand exactly why I had to move to Florida, but I know it was supposed to happen. And now I am SO EXCITED to serve in California. I wanted, so badly, a Spanish-speaking mission. It was what I prayed for since I started my papers two years ago.

I am in Mosiah of El Libro de Mormon, and I will be able to finish it before I leave. I have started praying in Spanish and reviewing things I learned at UA in my Spanish classes. I WILL BE PREPARED.

This call is seriously so perfect. Erik wants to get his masters in California so I plan on living there in four years (I mean..maybe, or whatever...), I am excited to make some connections with people there. It is Spanish speaking. It is warm. It will have easy access to Mexican food. I will be returning to the blessed West and the wonderful grid-system of roads. While I do think going foreign would have been cool, I'm not sure I am sturdy enough to have handled it. I think one tapeworm would send me to the hospital pretty quickly. I was really worried about that.

I'm so happy. I know God answers prayers and that He knows what is best. I've learned a lot and grown a lot. And I have even more to grow and learn. I'm thrilled. I am so thankful I have the opportunity to work and save for four months before I leave. I know that things will work out, but I am also terrified of coming back to no car, no job, no house, no clothes...

So, like I said.. long story. But I know I am exactly where I need to be. I'll be receiving my endowments on October 11 in the Mesa temple. Then I will be a Temple worker in MN until I leave, which I am happy about.




My mission boundaries-- see how close I am to Disneyland??






My call and I. At 11:30 at night. You can tell I am tired. And happy.






Erik was the closest guess. He predicted San Diego.






Before I opened the call. I was so afraid I was going to get called somewhere scary.

Erik's response to my call:
YOUR CALL! AH! I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU. IT IS SO PERFECT. I AM SO HAPPY YOU ARE STAYING IN THE UNITED STATES. THE GUY NEXT TO ME IS FROM THERE AND HE SAYS IT IS AWESOME. YOU WILL LOVE THE MEXICO MTC. OH SWEETIE. I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU. THIS IS THE BEST POSSIBLE ONE. WOO!

I am a college graduate!

I can't believe it. I just finished my last class of my undergraduate career.

I cried a lot as I walked out of that class. I love the University of Arizona campus. I love belonging here. I love what I have done. I love the people that I have met. I am so proud of what I have accomplished. I worked so hard to get here. It wasn't all me, but a lot of it was.

Something that was said in my class tonight (because it is an upper-level psychology course that feels a lot like therapy so we do cool things like dedication candlelight ceremonies) really struck me.
"You don't get to be where I am from where I used to be."

I can't take all of the credit for getting here. But I am proud as heck that I am now Chanda Crossman, BA.

Recap:

Freshman year
First semester started out rough. I didn't get along with my roommate, my car was stolen (later Jane), I had two break-ups (hey-oh Bert G.!), got my first B (stupid general education courses), walked to church a lot, serious financial crises, had to give Luna to my mom, didn't know what to major in, wrote something like 50 essays over the course of the semester (stupid Honors classes), and cried in public (s/o to the douche who made that happen). I went to Disneyland. Sarah W. (now Sarah S.) got me through that semester. I don't know what I would have done without her angelic presence in my life. Bethany R. and Victoria V. were great, too.
Second semester was much better. I got a new roommate (who was probably the best one I have ever had ever, Brittany C. {now Brittany L.}), started dating someone, got a new car (thanks, Wyndie and Eugene) (Sir Galahad), learned how to handle classes, made great new friends (s/o to Zac B. and Lyndsay B.), went to Six Flags Magic Mountain and Disneyland.
That summer was great. I spent a lot of time in Yuma. A lot of time. Went to Magic Mountain. Said goodbye to a missionary or two. Bought a new car (Sir Cadagon).

Sophomore year
First semester: Moved in to an apartment much closer to campus. Got along with my roommates (Chloe G.), lived with Luna, became friends with a lot of cool people (names can't be mentioned due to current friends-off situation), had a lot of late nights and belly laughs, got written off by a missionary, said goodbye to more missionaries, started work at the SALT Center and Mad Science, went to Disneyland, drove to Houston, TX to be in Brittany's wedding.
Second semester: Stopped getting along with most of my roommates (never tell a girl not to marry the guy she loves and avoid rotten pumpkins altogether), started dating a guy, learned the art of ditching class, went to a lot of concerts (thanks to Roland T. and Sarah V.).
Summer was good, mostly. Some people in my life started making poor choices which was stressful. Stayed in Tucson and worked a lot. Got a third/second job (because Mad Science wasn't particularly lucrative).

Junior year
First semester: moved in to a giant house (we're talking 8 bed/7 bath/ 2 laundry room/ 3 fridge), kept LunaBug, became close to important people (s/o to Patti and Chuckie C., Beth W., Emily E., Hayley A., Maddy S. {now Maddy T.}, Kirk T.), feeling secure, went to Disneyland, first time I had to take someone to the ER (Taryn and her appendix).
Second semester: hardest class of my undergraduate career, perfected faking having done the readings, finished my minor, started freaking out about grad school, went to Disneyland, had my heart and future ripped out and stomped on (glad to have survived that), started feeling my way back into the social world, had a world of help from so many people (Christian M., Maggie P., Beth W., Hayley A., Mercedes A., Sarah F.), became close with Sarah F. (f stands for friend, just kidding). Started working as a nanny, worked 3 jobs for about 3 weeks, finally quit one, quit the other during the summer.
Summer was hard. I was sad. I couldn't sleep. I lost a lot of weight. I cried most of the time. Break ups suck. I met Erik P. and became close with a lot of people (Isaac F., Rhett B., Alec P., Milo W., frisbee people). I went to NYC and was in my brother's lovely wedding.

Senior year
First semester I finally started to actually feel happy most of the time. I went on a lot of dates with a lot of boys and didn't want anything to do with them. Applied to TFA. Went to Disneyland. Really grew close to Erik and Sarah, spent a lot of time at the library. Again a lot of late nights and ugly-laughing. Lots of missionaries came back, it was weird seeing them around the institute again.
Second semester I started dating Erik, I got accepted to TFA, rejected TFA, offered full-time employment as a nanny, declined it. I asked for full-time employment and was denied. I applied to the Disney internship, was accepted, and I took it. My sister got engaged, my mom plans on moving to Minnesota in May. Realized I have no idea what I want out of life. Filled out mission paperwork to open up that possibility. Had a class with Zac B.. Went to Disneyland. Went to San Diego.

I can't believe I am done. I love belonging on campus. I probably will get a graduate degree someday, but I don't know. This could be the end of my formal schooling. I can't believe it.

I know Florida is what is supposed to be next for me. It is terrifying and thrilling and I am so excited and nervous to go. I need to keep reminding myself that only through stretching do we grow. Cheers!

Freshman year, how awkward.

Senior year, a little less so.

Semi-Annual Update

I don't have anything to say but someone asked me why I never post anymore. So here I am!

The past 6 months have been good.

Chanda

Just kidding, ha ha. They have been, though. I've been blessed beyond belief.

Some highlights:

I got to go to Disneyland with my dad, Erik, and a woman named Katrina. It was a family reunion but we only really had lunch with my family and the rest of the time we were on our own. I love Disneyland. And the people I went with made it even more fun. It was a blast. I saw two Disney cats, ate like 6 churros, and laughed until I cried multiple times.

I got straight As last semester. That was actually pretty difficult, but not as difficult as I thought it would be at the beginning of the semester. I took a neuropsych class which was extremely technical. At the beginning of the semester I realized I was in way over my head, but I ended up getting over 100% on every single test. That is really not to my credit. I studied hard, read all of the chapters, and prayed a lot. I came to truly appreciate the knowledge I have that I have a link to God and He knows everything.

Sarah F and I cemented our friendship over the summer/last semester. She is incredible. We get along on so many levels and I am grateful to know her. She and I bought fitness passes on Groupon and tried Jazzercise, Capoeira, Zumba, and continued yoga. It is so much fun. My favorite part of working out with her is that afterwards we always eat and it is never healthy food.

I went out a lot. Too much probably, in retrospect. I have nothing more to say about that.

I became closer to a lot of people and made a lot of new friends. I am lucky for that.

My friend, Zac, got back from his mission in Kentucky!!! I was so excited. I got to see him the day he got back and he hugged me, but then also kept his distance for a long time. My cousin, Monte, also got back from his mission in SLC, he hugged me too but was pretty shaky. Bert got back, but I have yet to see him. We text, though. And Jenkin got back but that was awkward so we don't need to go into details.

I got a new calling. I was a ward missionary (which I loved with all of my heart) but now I am a Relief Society teacher. I look forward to developing my teaching skills. And hopefully becoming friends with more girls.

My mom did a bunch of work on my family history on my dad's side. I now know that a lot of them came from Chicago and I have their names! I'm so excited, that was definitely the highlight of my Christmas.

I made a lot of progress personally. I still have no idea what I am going to do with life post-graduation, but I am able to look forward to it. I know God has a plan for me, I just have to do some digging and figure that plan out.

I'm absolutely certain there are things I've forgotten, but honestly I don't think anyone reads this and if they do they're probably my friend on FB or follower on Twitter. You're up-to-date.

XOXO

Chanda

Busy Summer (ySUbMMER)

This summer has been so busy!!

It is amazing to me how busy I've been considering I'm a) not travelling much and b) single in the summer for the first time since my freshman year of high school.

This summer I dedicated myself to making new friends, doing new things, and developing hobbies to make myself more interesting.

I've kept busy. I've worked about 50 hours/week all summer at two different jobs. I love them. I was reassigned to a new supervisor at my AzCIM job and I have been enjoying the tasks much more. I also have started doing office work for my administrative assistant job at the law firm (the one where I used to just watch children). I love it. My day gets broken up with various errands, I get to network with professionals in Tucson, and I get to take a shiny elevator up a fancy building for work. The doors are all like 10 feet tall... Soooo I mean, pretty fancy.

I also have started volunteering (quite recently). I'm in line to be matched with a little sister with Big Brothers Big Sisters Tucson. I used to be a BIG in high school, but never picked it up again after moving here. I look forward to it, I had to agree to commit for a whole year. I also am now volunteering at the Community Food Bank once a week. It is so awesome! I want to keep up with this one during the school year, but we'll see how I do with my schedule.

I've worked on my athletic prowess this summer also. I am getting much better at ultimate frisbee. I love it. There has been more than one occasion where I've played ultimate at the UA Mall past 3 in the morning. I play every week with a group from church, plus whenever else I can manage to get a group together.
I also went to yoga, and plan on continuing that. I loved it. I thought I would hate it. But I didn't. I'm going to make that a regular thing also.
And the other day I played basketball for the first time in years. It was great!

I went dancing the other night with a few of my friends. It was a blast! I loved it. We saw Darude (he did Sandstorm, the most overplayed dance song in the world). It was awesome. And his shirt said "Lettuce Turnip the Beet," which is hilarious.

I'm loving going out with the sister missionaries and attending almost every church activity. I can't wait for people to move into the ward at the beginning of the school year. I really enjoy meeting new people and making new friends.

I'm really happy. I see blessings in my life constantly.

I was in my roommate's wedding. That was incredible. The wedding was absolutely gorgeous. It rained the day of, so the temperature stayed down. Maddy and Kirk are a wonderful couple. I am so happy for them.

That's been a lot of what has been happening here. :) I can't remember the last time I felt so happy and confident about where I am in my life.

What do you call a hooker that you pay with linguini?

A pastatute (or a spaghetti-hoe). HAHAHA.

Chanda

Change is in the air (and so is pollen)

Things have changed in my life.

The most exciting change is that I own a new car!! My dad drove it down to Tucson for me this weekend. It is a 2007 Honda Civic. It's really cute and it smells like coffee on the inside.

I bought it from the original owner and she gave me a great deal. I'm super thankful that she was willing to sell it to me for as little as she did. I hope it lasts years.

The next biggest change (though not exciting) is that Roland and I aren't dating anymore. It was a mutual agreement between us. He needs to go to school and felt that he couldn't do that while dating me. And it will be good for me to be independent for a bit.

It has been a really really really hard transition. He was part of my every day for a year and a half, and now we aren't talking. (We're not mad at each other or anything, but trying to redraw a line from relationship to friendship is really hard, so we're taking a little cleanse from each other.) I miss him and his jokes and the time we would spend together. But I know that in a few months I will be absolutely fantastic. I'm looking forward to that time.

It has been interesting for me to see how I can interact in groups. When I was in groups with Roland I felt like a bridge between him (he can be a little introverted sometimes) and other people. I didn't mind that role at all, but without having to do that I am much more social than I remembered being.

My friends have been incredible. They have kept me busy and distracted and let me cry (a lot) to them. I'm thankful to have the friends that I do.

I think I am sick. I woke up this morning with a sore throat and it isn't getting better. That's a big bummer.

General conference was this weekend! I wasn't able to focus on it like I would have enjoyed to, but what I have heard has been wonderful. I am looking forward to reading the talks and studying them daily.

That is it in my life. My brain is fuzzy. I'm going to take a nap.

Chanda C.

My Lambo

I came home to Lakeside this weekend (well, it is actually Show Low now because my dad moved. But there are trees and so I am happy).

I kept feeling like I shouldn't drive my car, but I couldn't remember why. So this morning Mel (my little sister, who had been dropped off the night previous), Luna, and I hopped in my tender little '88 Toyota Camry and started driving. Once we got out of Oro Valley it started snowing/raining. I couldn't tell if they were flakes or drops, but there was snow on the ground.

It started to get a little cold so I reached down to turn on my heater and then I remembered why I had felt like I shouldn't drive my car... My heater only works sometimes. I can't figure out what inspires it to be hot, or how that goes away... But sometimes my heater works more like a cooler.

It wasn't too bad, and I didn't have cell service so I kept driving. Once I got to Globe I called my dad and asked him what I should do. He told me to go to an auto parts store and ask them to check my radiator fluid and buy more/refill it if it was low.

I don't really like using my good looks to manipulate others, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

I went to Auto Zone in Globe and walked in while Mel and Luna waited in the car. A gentleman behind the counter said hello and asked how he could help me. I told him that the heater in my Lamborghini wasn't working and asked if he would mind taking a look. Then I told him that I had lied, my car was an '88 Camry but I figured it would be easier to get someone to help me if they thought they'd be working on a nice car.

He checked my fluid for me, it was fine. I guess something is wrong with the heater valve or thermometer or something? I don't know.

I thanked the Auto Zone guy and called my dad to see what my next move was. My plan, which I happily introduced to my dad, was to go to Wal*Mart and buy one of the space heaters that I can plug into my cigarette lighter but he said that was a stupid idea (bummer).

Instead, I ghetto-rigged my car as per my dad's instructions on the phone. The conversation went something like this:

D: See the radiator?
C: I see where the tube is connected to the cap that the guy used to check my fluid. Is that connected?
D: That's the radiator.
C: That is what I thought. There was a stolen one in my car when it got stolen.
D: Okay, now you'll need a piece of cardboard.
C: I have a paper whole foods grocery bag, will that work?
D: Yeah, okay. They like recycling so it should be heavy duty. Now you need to put that in the space between the radiator and the "___" (I can't remember what he called the other thing).
C: Is this safe? I feel like that space is there for a reason.
D: Yeah, just WATCH YOUR TEMPERATURE GAUGE. YOU COULD OVERHEAT SO EASILY BECAUSE OF THIS.
C: What is this doing?
D: Blocking some air from your radiator. People have done this for years.
C: Okay. I'm going to send you a picture before I drive this. It looks sketchy. Is it going to catch on fire? Is it blocking too much air? What if it overheats? It is so cold.
D: It looks great. The air blowing past will be 20 degrees, it won't catch on fire. CHECK YOUR TEMPERATURE GAUGE RELIGIOUSLY OR YOU MIGHT DIE.

So, I did that. And I stayed just warm enough to not have frost bite. Then my dad drove my car and the heater was plenty warm for him. I don't know what happened.

And tonight I bought boots. Warm, winter, ugly boots. No regrets though. My feet were freezing.
My spring break is less springy than I would want.

I'm so happy to be with my dad though. We got Pizza Factory. And I've seen someone I know everywhere we have gone. Ha ha. (No joke, when we were at Big 5 getting the boots I heard someone say "Yeah, it is Chanda" and then go in the back. No idea who it was.)

Lakeside. Love/hate. Always.

Chanda

My paranoia: confirmed

Just to be sure everyone knows-- I was a really paranoid child.

My parents grounded me from reading The Reader's Digest because it would scare me so much that I couldn't sleep ("The Rapist Next Door," etc).

Also, I cried every time my family went on a car ride with only one parent, because I was certain that that parent would have a heart attack and I wouldn't be able to drive (and I certainly didn't trust Wade to do it). I would sit in the car the whole time and cry and ask whoever was driving if they were feeling okay, and to pull over if they had any sort of pain anywhere.

This lasted until well into my teenage years. I loved babysitting, but as soon as the kids went to bed I would end up curled on the couch terrified that someone was going to break into the house and kill the children. I usually ended up calling my parents and one of them would come sit with me until my shift was over.

I was probably a real blast to take care of.

I've gotten better though. I can talk myself out of freaking out. I still have some tendencies (like when I turn off the light in my kitchen, I run to my bedroom because I'm a little afraid of the dark).

Anyway, point is, I am not as scared as I used to be but I'm still probably more scared than most people.

I'm thankful for that though. It has caused me to be hyper-vigilant in certain situations.

One of my student jobs is off-campus. Parking permits are into the $500 range but a bus pass is only $100. So I ride the bus to/from campus and my job about three times a week.

Last semester I noticed some erratic behavior from a guy in a big maroon truck. When he saw me at the bus stop, he would turn into the parking lot for the Pizza Hut that is right behind the stop. His turning seemed to be based on the fact that I was there-- it was erratic and not planned out. He occasionally would cat-call or whistle or wave, but I always just ignored him. Sometimes he was with another guy also. This happened probably 2-3 times a month. While I thought it was weird, and it creeped me out a little, I never sensed that I was in real danger.

This semester I hadn't seen Truck Guy at all. But Wednesday, when I was at the bus stop in the middle of the day, he saw me again. I want to note that he was going north when he saw me, and I was waiting for the bus which was going south- that will be important later. He pulled into the parking lot really fast and started waving at me and gesturing for me to go over to his truck. I ignored him and got closer to the other person at the bus stop (a stranger reading a book) and hoping that Truck Guy would let me be. He kept calling out to me and telling me to go to him and I kept ignoring him.

Then HE OPENED HIS TRUCK DOOR and got out and started walking towards me. As I noticed I called Roland (assuming he would act like Liam Neeson in the situation-- I can dream, right? Logic was gone.). RIGHT then, the bus pulled up. The other guy at the stop let me get on first and I was out of the situation.

Now, as I mentioned before, I was heading south (towards campus) and the truck had previously been headed north. But Truck Guy decided it was a good idea to follow me. He pulled up next to the bus and, at the next stop light, stopped where he was level with where I was in the bus. He kept gesturing at me and we were close enough that I could tell that I definitely did NOT recognize him. When the light turned green and the bus started going, he sped off.

I'm fine, but definitely a little more paranoid than I was last week. A big worry of mine is that he obviously knows where I am headed (I always have my backpack with me) and that he knows the area where I work and what time I catch the bus. A bigger worry of mine is that he is probably doing this to other girls. I did nothing to ever elicit attention from this man so there is no reason he would choose me and only me to behave weird around.

I submitted a police report (that was unfortunately vague as I can't trust myself to remember the make/model of his truck and I've never seen his license plate).

I told my boss at my off-campus job about the incident and he and my coworkers were extremely kind in their willingness to walk me to, and wait with me at, the bus stop or drive me to campus if necessary. He also brought a camera when he walked me and was ready to take pictures if the guy showed up again. They also gave me strict instructions to call the police if the guy ever pulls up again and to make it known that I am taking pictures.

I am incredibly appreciative of their willingness to help me.

My boss has personal reasons to be particularly responsive to dangerous-bordering-on-stalker situations and I am so so grateful that he was there to hear my story and respond.

As I told them the story they mentioned how fortunate it was that the bus pulled up right when I was being physically approached. I know that the timing of the bus that day was a miracle for me. I know that God was watching out for me. I'm thankful to have the coworkers that I do, especially my boss who recognizes the potential danger in my situation.

I told my boss who I work for on campus and she too was incredibly supportive. I've never seen TG on campus, but if I do I know that she will do everything she can to help keep me safe.

I know God protected me on Wednesday. Even if the man had no bad intentions, God knew that I would feel uncomfortable with the situation and He got me out of it.

One of my bosses told me that she will be praying that the situation gets resolved safely. I appreciated her insight. I don't want to always just hope that I don't see TG again, I want him to know that what he did isn't okay and I want him to not do that to anyone else.

I am thankful for the people around me who care enough to tell me I was an idiot for not reporting TG sooner and who knew what to say to inspire me to do something about the situation.

I don't want to sound dramatic about this, maybe the guy thought he knew me or maybe he had no bad intentions, but he crossed the line and I am taking particular caution to keep myself out of a dangerous situation.

So, that is what happened recently. I'm glad I have people who will take care of me and keep me safe and I am glad that I have a Father in heaven who knows what I need and when and is willing to help me out.

That's what is new in my life! #yolo

Chanda :)