My feelings (not so eloquently put into words)

We're on day 6 since the accident with the ladder. I've had a lot of feelings, some medication induced and others natural. ;)

Overall, I know that I am blessed. I easily could have been hurt far worse by the fall. God was watching out for me, I recognize that. I am also blessed to have such a supportive family near me. They have not left my side (which is not as appreciated as much as it should be). They've catered to my every desire and not complained once. They've sacrificed sleep and comfort and traditions for me. They are so generous and sweet and thoughtful and Christ-like.

I also have felt a little goofy sometimes. I think that maybe that is a combination of the oxycodone (I'm a real lightweight) and the feeling of listlessness I have. So much energy, so little strength. My energy just comes out in bursts of odd behavior (see: the video my mom posted of me on her Facebook).

Also, though, I am incredibly sad. Practically since I moved to Minnesota I have been trying to leave. I was disappointed that my mission call was so far away when I opened it. I was thisclose to leaving. 11 days! 11 days away! I had been tracking the weather. I'd already packed and repacked my luggage. I had my itinerary printed out. I was counting down. Every letter I wrote to Erik started with the number of days left until I got to go serve the Lord in a warm place. To have this happen and have it delay my mission really really sucks.

When I fell, I jokingly told my mom that we would be laughing about the accident when I walked out of the hospital an hour later so I could leave on Dec 31. Before I fell I was up on the ladder with my aunt Darla and jokingly said that God had to protect me because I was due to serve Him in 11 days. (Please note: I was being very careful. My fall would not have happened had the wall not broken off and knocked the ladder over.) In the ER the doctor told me that I was 6-8 weeks out and I lost it.

6-8 more weeks in the cold. And these weeks are shaping up to be kind of terrible.

I love being productive. I am of the mindset that we are only given a certain amount of time on the earth and we ought to make the best of it. But now I am flat on my back for the next 4 weeks. I guess this is a slice of humble pie? I really can't do anything. I really can't go back to work as a nanny. My current concentration doesn't lend well to being able to enjoy a book. I feel completely useless, and I do not like that at all.

The worry has also crossed my mind that my back isn't going to get all the way better and that it will impact my ability to serve when I do go on my mission. I want to serve with all of my strength, and if I have to worry about a sore back/heel then I won't be able to give it my all. I want to serve for 18 months. I'm really scared I won't be able to.

And, lastly, I am frustrated that my future timing has been messed up. I was going to get back a month or so before Erik. I wanted to have a job and be situated by the time he came home so I could help him get back into school and everything he has to do. Now it looks like he will beat me home. That's not a big deal, and it really makes no difference in the long run, but I'm still annoyed about it.

I have reached out to a couple of people asking for online work to keep me busy. I've started reading the Book of Mormon in Spanish again. I've done several crosswords. I'm trying to keep myself up, but it is hard when I am forced to lie down.

My friend Alec texted me and said that God knows how eager I am to serve and He knew the only way to stall me was to throw me off a ladder. I can only hope that is the reason this is happening.

I am eager to serve. And eager to work and learn and get this itchy cast off my leg and be able to stand up again. But I guess I needed to learn patience? And I guess I didn't learn it well enough while I've been working since August. I hope that someday I will know the real reason why this happened and why it happened now. In the meantime, I hope that I will have less days like yesterday where I felt completely depressed and worthless and downtrodden and more days where I can feel useful and positive.

Thank you for the prayers. Thank you for reaching out. I'm blessed, and I definitely know that.

xoxo
Chanda

Fue un accidente

I fell! I was helping set up for a dance. I was on an A-frame ladder, guiding a rope through an eye-screw. The moulding that the screw was in came off the wall and knocked the ladder over (with me, 17 or 18 feet up on it).

When I fell I knew I wanted to get away from the part of the wall that had knocked the ladder over (because it had nails in it) so I tried to propel myself away from it and I also didn't want to have the ladder land on me.. and neither of those things happened, so I consider it a successful fall. Haha. My aunt measured today, my feet were at least 17 feet in the air. I'm so lucky that I am not hurt worse. I tried to roll when I hit the ground but I didn't have enough control so I just crumpled instead. But my mom ran over and held me and then the missionaries ran over and gave me a blessing right away. They were shaking and super scared, poor Elders.

Then my aunt and mom debated whether to call 911. I said no because I was just thinking about how pricey the ambulance is but I couldn't sit up and was having a hard time controlling my breathing. So then they called. The paramedics were nice and one of the policemen that showed up was a member, I think. He said "The Lord has a plan, don't stress out." and said that the church has insurance for accidents like this. Then my mom and aunt called my dad and Joe and my bishop.

I went to the hospital in the ambulance which was not very comfy. The guy gave me some pain medication which was nice. Then at the hospital I was rushed in and it was called a trauma code (trauma fall= any fall over two times the height of whoever fell). So they got me in to get X-rays and they asked me lots of questions. The X-rays hurt a lot because I had to bend and roll over and stuff. Then they gave me more pain medication. Dayna and Darla brought me dinner in the ER (Boston Market, mm). Bishop Hardy came and told me not to stress out or worry about anything. The doctor came in and said I would need to stay overnight for pain management and that I had two breaks (my spine and my foot) and that it would be 6-8 weeks for treatment and I started crying really hard. I had held it together until then, but I was just so excited to get out of MN. You know? Anyway, he was confused about why I was so sad about it, but my mom explained it to him.

Then they brought me to the special care unit and I spent the night hooked up to lots of machines and getting lots of pain medication in my IV. The heart rate monitor kept beeping because I have an irregular heartbeat, so that was really annoying. Taryn came after work and brought me my Erik-pillow and toothbrush and deodorant. Darla and Dayna brought me underwear and a bra. The nurse said she wanted to get the Spanish speaking nurse to come teach me Spanish so I wouldn't have to be sad about not leaving on my mission yet. Everyone was so nice. I got my foot nice and wrapped up in a splint.

The next morning I got more X-rays and then they moved me to a general care room. A spine doctor came to talk to me and an orthopedic surgeon. I got a back brace (the guy had to make it smaller like five times before it finally fit me, ha ha). My family and the nurses had to help me pee-- goodbye dignity. I couldn't stand up or roll over on my own at all. The narcotics they were giving me made me really dizzy and nauseous. They started giving me my medication orally to see if I could handle it.

I was fine except any sort of overexertion (meaning, staying sitting up for more than a minute without help) made me really weak, shaky, and light headed. I enjoyed having a hospital bed that I could sit up with. My aunt and cousins brought me clothes and another toothbrush, plus hairbrush and headbands. My mom and sister went to Target and picked up my favorite snacks so I always had something to eat when I took my medicine. Dayna and Tianna spent the whole day with me. President Kerr and his wife came to see me that night, it was nice to chat with them. He gave me a blessing. I appreciated his support and encouragement.

I spent that night in the hospital, too. That night my foot started hurting a lot. It woke me up every 4 hours or so, burning. It was awful but I am guessing that means it is healing? My mom helped me shower that morning. I am really regressing, needing help using the restroom and then having my mom see me totally naked. :/ No dignity. It was great to wash my hair and face, though. Melanie braided my hair so it was off my face and I spent all morning sleeping and taking medicine and talking to various doctors and nurses.

I was finally released and given a leg scooter. The nurse wheeled me out to meet my mom at the car and I threw up three times, which is really painful with a hurt back. The nurse gave me vomit bags, which look like giant condoms, so that is fun. When I got home I tried to stop taking the narcotic pain medicine, but the ibuprofen and tylenol were not cutting it. So I will deal with nausea for a little while longer and try in a few days to give up the narcs again. 

So last night my foot was hurting really badly. Madam Pomfrey wasn't kidding when she gave Harry Skelegro and told him that growing bones is painful business. OUCH.. It feels like there are two fires in my heel and sometimes they touch and then shoot up my leg. Yeck. Don't jump off any ladders, okay team? My back is mostly just really sore like muscle sore. You know when you shiver a lot and then your back hurts from it? It feels like that constantly, like my muscles are just tensing all the time. It feels better if I lay flat for a long time. After naps I feel fine in my back, but when I have to get up or sit up or move it starts hurting and takes a long time to stop spasming.

Dayna had moved my bed to the main floor, so I'm in the living room now. I feel totally helpless. I tried to brush my teeth and ended up just crying because it hurt too bad to stay upright for that long. My siblings, mom, cousins, and aunt and uncle have been so wonderful to me. They are incredibly selfless. They're all willing to stay up with me to keep me on a medicine schedule, they've all offered to get me food and drinks and to help me stand and put on my brace and scoot around. I am so thankful. My dad offered to bring me to AZ so Luna could heal me with her dog powers (I declined, mostly because I doubt I would be able to sit up in a plane for longer than five minutes without passing out).

We also got ding-dong-ditched with a plate of delicious cookies and a get well card from someone mysterious. I've had so many friends reach out to me on Facebook, email, and texting. I'm really really blessed.

Bishop Hardy and President Kerr have been in contact with the mission people. My call still stands, I'll just be reissued a report date once we know when I will be physically able to go. Hopefully that will be February (my own timeline, not anyone else's, haha).

I don't know why this happened now. I don't know if I will ever know why (but I hope I do someday). I'm thankful for the support and service I've been given.  I'm so thankful for my family. I'm thankful for insurance. I'm thankful for prayers.

I know that God already has this all figured out. I just have to keep doing my best and trust in His timing. In the meantime, any suggestions on books to read? :)

xoxo

Chanda

My farewell talk

Forgive the lack of citations and the inclusion of awkward jokes. I typed this out so I could send it to Erik. It has been requested by a few, so here it is! xoxo

Good morning! I am happy to be here, I suppose I should take this time to introduce myself. My name is Chanda Crossman, I am Charla's oldest daughter (not Darla's youngest, Tianna, who I am often mistaken for). I moved here in the beginning of August from Florida where I was working as an intern at Disney World. Prior to that I had lived in Tucson, Arizona where I graduated in May from the University of Arizona with a bachelors degree in Psychology. I will be leaving here to serve a Spanish speaking mission in Rancho Cucamonga, California at the end of the month. Within a year I will have lived in the most Northern, Southern, Eastern, and Western edges of the US.

I've been grateful for my time here as it has provided me many opportunities that I didn't realize I wanted. I've been thankful for the time I have had to get to know my siblings as adults, since when I moved away to college they were still children to me. I've loved getting to know new people especially the families who I have worked for, and all of the nursery kids in this ward will forever hold a place in my heart. I have been fortunate enough to live in a home where I could grow spiritually and feel support through all of the transitions and preparations of going on a mission. I've been afforded the opportunity to work in the St. Paul temple weekly for the past few months and have appreciated the strength that comes from feeling God's peace.

As I look at these blessings in my life, I am overcome with gratitude for the service that has been given to me. It is clear to me, as a recipient of Christlike service, why it is such a fundamental principle of the Gospel of Christ. I hope to relay these same feelings of the overwhelming joy of service to you today.

Why is service so essential to the Gospel? On a structural level, it is how the Church operates. Countless hours are voluntarily spent by members of our church to keep it running. But this principle runs deeper than that. Why do we care so much about serving others?

In large part, our testimony of our Heavenly Father compels us to action. The knowledge that He gave us all that we have; physical bodies, the earth to live on, finances, even every minute of our days drives us to serve others. Because everything we have comes from God, we should be willing to share it all. 

Time and time again, especially recently, I have been reminded that God's systems and views are not ours. I recently had a mechanical issue with my car. As I was murmuring a little about how this would affect my funds for my mission and my ability to pay off my student loans, my aunt gently reminded me that there was a bigger picture. She suggested that perhaps the mechanic needed a little extra cash for Thanksgiving and God knew I could spare it. While this was not necessarily service, it still speaks as a reminder to recognize God's will and trust in His processes and promptings.

President Kimball said, and President Monson recently quoted: "We must remember that those mortals we meet in parking lots, offices, elevators, and elsewhere are that portion of mankind God has given us to love and to serve." The people in our lives are there for a greater purpose than we can know, we are just given the responsibility to serve them without needing to know why.

The service we give comes in many forms, in fact, I daresay much of the good we do we don't even recognize as service because it comes so naturally to us. Sharing God's light, through deliberate deeds of kindness, through sacrifices of time or resources, or through any other action we take because of our love and compassion is an act of service. Any time we put someone else before ourselves, we are in their service. And, as we know, when we are in the service of our fellow beings we are only in the service of our God. Service is not only about fulfilling a need, it is about showing love to our brothers and sisters.

Because I moved here so recently, when I went through the Temple and received my endowments I flew to Arizona to be with family. I had been feeling pretty lonely and friendless in Minnesota and was looking forward to being around people who wanted to be around me. That weekend, a member of our ward here sent me a text saying she was thinking of me. For her, it probably was not a big deal or sacrifice, but it meant the world to me. It made it much easier to fly back here after my weekend around the people who I am close with.

We can choose, right now, to serve God through serving His people. As we give service, and sacrifice our time, putting others before ourselves, we will grow closer to Him and to our neighbors. We can choose to do what is right, rather than what is easy. Many of us can recount experiences in which we lost ourselves in the service of others and found those moments to be among the most rewarding of life despite what that service may have interrupted in our own lives.

A favorite character of mine, from my favorite book series, was a wonderful example of voluntary service. Dobby, a house elf, regularly put aside his own tasks and responsibilities to help everyone he could. On one occasion, he even gave up sleep to help Harry. In the end, Dobby sacrificed himself for the cause of good and helped save not only those who he was friends with, but strangers who were also in danger.

Service is entirely unselfish. Through service we gain testimony and develop charity in ourselves. It is no wonder that we are promised that whosoever will lose his life for Christ's sake, shall find it. As we transcend our tendency to think only of ourselves, we learn to see with a bigger view our purpose on this earth. Serving like Jesus Christ has a cleansing effect on us. It helps us understand the idea that our time, talents, and possessions are not just our own.

President Hinckley said, "What a therapeutic and wonderful thing it is for a man or woman to set aside all consideration of personal gain and reach out with strength and energy and purpose to help the unfortunate, to improve and beautify the community, to clean up the environment. Tremendous happiness and peace of mind are the results of loving service to others."

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends" (John 15:13). This doesn't mean we have to die to show our love for our friends. We lay down our lives every time we put someone else's needs before our own. Each moment we pause to hold the door open, to write an encouraging note, or to fill out a check to fast offering we are laying down our lives for those around us and emulating our Savior.

The example that was laid for us by Jesus Christ drives us to serve. He commanded us to love one another AS HE LOVED US. How did He show His love to us, his fellowmen? He went about doing good and implored us to follow His example. He fed the hungry, He healed the sick, He blessed those in need, He was about His Father's business and through it all He asked for us to follow Him. Every minute of His life, which He ultimately sacrificed in the paramount example of service for us, was spent in the service of His fellow human beings.

He asked us to always abound in good works. He instructed us to do good to those who hate us. To love our enemies, to bless them that curse us, and to pray for them who despitefully use and persecute us. He told us that we could follow Him and be known as his disciples if we have and show love to one another. He asked us to let our lights shine, that others would see our good works and glorify our Father in Heaven. He asked us to be steadfast and immovable and always abound in good works. Again, the importance of service was underlined in the inclusion of it in our baptismal covenants. We agree to bear one another's burdens, to mourn with those that mourn, and comfort those who need it.

Because we are able to look to Christ as the ultimate example of service, we are duty-bound to help those around us. The importance of giving service to our souls is underlined and emphasized again and again in the scriptures and in modern day revelation.

President Monson, a man who exemplifies the Savior's love and pattern of service so well, said: "Perhaps when we [face] our Maker, we will not be asked, ‘How many positions did you hold?’ but rather, ‘How many people did you help?' You can never love the Lord until you serve Him by serving His people.”

The beauty of following Christ's example is that we don't need to evaluate who, when or how we serve, we just act. We ought to recognize that "slightest actions often meet the sorest needs." We trust that God will empower us to help the people who He put into our lives and, often, in our direct paths. President Kimball noted "God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs."

A couple of years ago I ended a relationship that had meant a lot to me. It was a difficult thing to do and I really struggled with it. I needed a Priesthood blessing, but felt it was an awkward thing to ask for help with a breakup in a singles ward (you never know who your next boyfriend will be). I prayed about what I was feeling and went about my business. The same day I got a text from one of my friends in my ward that said “Hey Chanda, I just thought I should let you know if you ever need a blessing I’m here for you.” Now, I have no doubt that God could easily have sent down an angel to comfort and strengthen me, however, instead, He sent my friend Christian.

In Florida, my living situation was kind of awful. I didn’t feel any support or companionship with my roommates and I felt like a faceless number in my ward. I made friends with a guy at work named Rob. Rob is not a member of the church, but I was able to talk to him about a lot of things and he was supportive of my choice to go on a mission. He started coming to church with me every week, preventing me from having to sit alone. When I moved he gave me a goodbye card with his email address so we can keep in contact when I am on my mission and, knowing my concern about the cost of a mission, included some cash in it. He worked with me at Disney World, I know what he made and I know he sacrificed a lot to show me his support.

Not only do we, as disciples of Christ and grateful children of our Heavenly Father, have the desire to serve because of our testimonies, we have been commanded to serve others. As mentioned earlier, part of our baptismal covenant is to bear one another's burdens, to mourn with those that mourn, and to comfort those that need it. As we serve unselfishly, we are obeying God's commandments to us and are entitled to blessings from Him. He will guide us. He will lift OUR burdens. And our "soul[s] will glow with love from that perfect Light above."

Since I majored in Psychology in school, I turned to studies about the benefits of service. I love to look at modern science and watch as it catches up with the Gospel's truths. A few recent studies have found that being stingy is correlated with higher levels of stress; that being altruistic at work increases your happiness and job performance and satisfaction; that unselfish people have a lower risk of dying early; and that volunteering improves general well-being, marriages, life satisfaction, and it decreases depression.

Is it any wonder, that He who created us and knows our bodies perfectly, commanded us to do something that makes us happier and healthier? Scientifically speaking, giving service is good for us. And that is not surprising when we know the ultimate Scientist designed our systems and gave us commandments to follow that would allow these systems to operate and bring us joy. This awareness brings into new perspective the lines from a favorite hymn "Love's labor has merit alone" and "Doing good is a pleasure, a joy beyond measure." Truly, living this Gospel is the way to happiness.

How do we serve? I have always enjoyed giving service and when I was trying to decide what to get my degree in I remarked that I wanted to help people, but that I doubted I would ever be financially well enough to give them money, so I had to do it another way. Luckily for me, there are a plethora of opportunities all around.

Within the church, our commitment to service is broad. As discussed briefly, our Church runs on volunteer work. Missionaries volunteer their time and temporarily lay down their educations, career goals, social lives, and the opportunity to see the new Star Wars and Superman movies in theaters to serve the Lord and their fellowmen. Our leaders and clergy members don't receive compensation for their time and service given. And on top of all of that, we yet still donate money to causes like feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, and disaster relief. And many members give their time, talents, and funds to causes outside the church.

President Monson, said of service and showing love: "All important will be our ability to recognize someone’s need and then to respond. I have always cherished the sentiment expressed in the short poem:

I have wept in the night

For the shortness of sight

That to somebody’s need made me blind;

But I never have yet

Felt a tinge of regret

For being a little too kind"

Anything good or kind is of God. We won't regret showing kindness or giving service. If you feel enlightened at any time about a need someone has or a way you can serve, act on it! We are God's hands, He will give us promptings--which we should respond to promptly! If you ever feel the desire to serve but don't have a specific recipient or project in mind, pray about it and see where it leads you. However, if you don't get an answer, serve anyone, do anything. Bring cookies to a neighbor, send a text to an old friend, go for a walk and pick up trash on your way (or do the winter equivalent and shovel a sidewalk or something.. whatever you do in Minnesota in the wintertime). We all can use an increase of love in our lives.

As I have been preparing to go on a mission I’ve been astounded at the ways people have been willing to serve me. Bishop Beck, in Florida, said without hesitation that his ward would take me in if I were to leave from there. My family members have volunteered to help support me while I am gone. My aunt and uncle have let me live with them since August, which I’m sure has not always been a walk in the park. I’ve been sent encouraging emails and texts and notes from friends. The people who I work for let me become a part of their families when they hired me, even knowing it was a short term arrangement and they would need to find someone else sooner rather than later (and searching for nannies is not a fun process). Family gathered in Mesa from all around Arizona and even some from Minnesota to support me when I went to the Temple for the first time. Now, I have family and friends who have come to Minnesota to hear me speak in church (hope it is worth it).

I am grateful for the service that has been shown to me. It is incredible, and I know that anything I do will be completely underwhelming when compared to the sacrifices and gifts of time that have been done for me.

We are instructed in Isaiah to "Strengthen the weak hands, And make firm the feeble knees. Say to those who are fearful-hearted, Be strong, do not fear! Behold, your God will come with vengeance, With the recompense of God; He will come and save you.”

One of the best ways to give service, and I should probably be given my badge right now for saying this, is to share the Gospel with others. Even with everything we can do physically for someone, the gospel of Jesus Christ is the only cure for so many of life's ills that we should and do want to share the good news of eternal life with urgency. We have felt the peace that comes after a prayer is answered. We have felt the joy that follows sincere repentance. We weekly have left meetings feeling rejuvenated and re-inspired to improve and not give up. We've witnessed miracles that have come through fasting and priesthood blessings. We know that we have a purpose on this earth, and we know what that purpose is. We have so many answers to so many of life's deepest questions. It is our privilege to share that with others.

One of the easiest way to share our beliefs is to "be ready always to give an answer to every man that ask[s us] a reason of the hope that is in [us]." I have no revolutionary ideas for you to do this, but to remember the joy that your testimony of God and Jesus Christ bring you and let that inspire your actions and words. I had a coworker once who, when he found out that I am a member of the church, said it was no wonder that I was always so nice and friendly. Now, I don’t think I am really THAT nice and friendly, but I was happy to hear that he could associate me as a disciple of Christ because of the way I acted.

I have a wonderful friend who I used to live with. She is not a member of our church, despite almost every single member of our ward referring her to the missionaries at some point or another. When I asked her if she ever felt uncomfortable when they came around she said that at first she did, but then she realized that they were like dogs trying to lick her. They were just happy and trying to show her love, they didn't realize how uncomfortable they were making her. Opportunities to share God's Light don't have to be awkward.

My best friend is serving a mission in Santiago. He recently wrote to me about someone who he is teaching. She is struggling to quit smoking and he felt impressed to extend an invitation to her to be baptized so she would have a specific goal to work towards. In his words, “She said no, but that’s okay!”

What I think we need to remember is that we want everyone to have the opportunity to hear the Gospel, but we aren't trying to coerce or trick people into getting baptized. We are looking for people who want answers. Many people have questions and concerns that the Gospel can answer. That same friend also recently pointed out that you can find the word conversion in the word conversation. It is by talking to people and listening to their responses that we can discern how we can help them, whether that be doing something physical or simply sharing our testimonies of a Gospel truth that can bring them comfort.

Because we have been blessed by the Love of our God, we want to share His love. We can always look to the example of our Savior who went about doing good and declaring the Gospel among all people. He lifted people up. He showed them that He cared for them. He listened and healed and taught correct principles when things were misunderstood. We should strive to live as He lived. Loving those around us and letting our lights shine to illuminate their lives.

Fare Thee Well

This past weekend was my farewell talk, and it was quite a doozy.

My dad flew in late Thursday night, but we didn't see him until Friday morning. When he came in the morning he surprised us by bringing Wade and Rachael with him! We hadn't all been together since Wade and Rachael's wedding in August of 2013.

Most of that day we all spent together. We went out to eat at Tommy's Malt Shop, then we returned home and caught up/wrestled/etc. That night some of the kids and Dad went swimming and then we went and ate a a BBQ place for our "Christmas Dinner" with our dad.

The next day we went to Mall of America. We wandered around and then met up around lunchtime with Mom, Darla, Joe, Jessica, and Bryson. Mom stayed with us and we did the ropes course and zipline (I enjoyed the zipline, but did not like the ropes course-- everyone else seemed to, though). Then we rode on two roller coasters and ate early dinner/late second lunch. I loved getting to spend time with my family. It is crazy to think about how old we are all getting and how different we all are. I love them with all of my heart.

The kids and Dad went back to the hotel room to kill some time. Melanie did my hair and Wade, Rachael, and Aaron played a card game.

After that we went to dinner with the Petersens!! They flew all the way from AZ to come to my farewell! Dinner went well, but I don't know if I will ever eat Pizza Hut again (foreshadowing).

I said goodbye to Wade and Rachael. They're so wonderful, I'm glad I got to see them again before I leave. They gave me a lovely journal that I am excited to fill up with stories about annoying companions and rejection and, like, the miracles of missionary work or whatever. ;)

After dinner, My mom and I went back to the house with the Petersens. My siblings went to the hotel with my dad. I chatted with Emma and Phillip a little bit and then, as I was getting ready for bed, I started feeling super sick.

The rest of the night I spent "reverse fasting" (as Wade eloquently worded it). I didn't sleep very much (if at all) and I felt terrible. I debated if I was going to still try to go to church. I knew I couldn't vomit any more because I was totally on empty, but I still felt like I was going to and I was feeling very achy and weak. I called my dad and asked him to give me a blessing. He came over early and said, in the blessing, that I wouldn't throw up and that I would feel better quickly. I was hoping "quickly" meant 5 minutes, but it turned out to mean like 15 hours. Still faster than a lot of people do.

I manned up and went to church. Taryn, Mel, and I practiced our song (Because I Have Been Given Much) with Melissa and then church started. Melanie got her Personal Progress medallion! When I took the Sacrament bread I looked at Darla and crossed my fingers for luck. Food! Woo! The girl who spoke before me, Alyssa, did a great job. I was quite impressed with her and how well put together she is.

I gave my talk and it went okay. I felt sick and so I rushed through it and didn't do as well as I know I could have, had I felt better. But several people told me that they really enjoyed it, so I guess I didn't suck.

Then Taryn, Melanie, and I sang. It went well, I guess?

After Sacrament meeting I went home and tried to sleep. I felt so sick. And I felt bad that my dad and the Petersens came all the way from AZ to see what turned out (in my eyes) to be a sub-standard talk and then have me hide in my room dying all day.

They had lunch (my favorite... it is a cruel world, folks). I came down toward the end of lunch and ate a chip and a cube of cantaloupe.

My dad left. It was hard to say goodbye, crazy to think I won't see him for 18 months. I appreciate everything he did/does for me. He has sacrificed a lot to show me that he cares about me.

I napped some more and then went downstairs and "helped" (watched other people) get ready for the open house. Quite a few people showed up and they were all so kind. I didn't get to know many people in the ward so I was surprised at how many went out of their way to wish me luck.

I received a lot of really positive feedback on my talk, which made me happy. I am truly blessed.

Then I went to sleep and woke up this morning feeling cured. IT IS A MIRACLE!

Overall, this weekend was awesome. It was unfortunate that it was so overshadowed with illness, but I am incredibly grateful for the support and love I felt. I'm glad I was able to spend time with my family (all of them!) and for the sacrifices they made for me. I'm thankful for the Dobbins and their sacrifices for me and my guests. They hosted the open house and the lunch yesterday. I'm so happy and grateful that the Petersens came and I was able to see them another time. Minnesota in December isn't a dream vacation (although, the weather really REALLY warmed up).

I'm incredibly blessed. I'm incredibly thankful. <3 I want to eat ALL THE THINGS.

xoxo
Chanda

Building Faith, Stepping Stones

Yesterday I lost one of my jobs. I was sort of expecting it (as a nanny you have to realize that at some point the parents will realize that daycares are much cheaper, especially for families with only one child).

The loss of this job brings my working hours down to less than 20/week.

I was, I think understandably, quite stressed about the lack of hours. I want to spend my time being productive and making and saving money. I still have immunizations to pay for and things to purchase for my mission. And I still have student loan debt that I get to worry about in a week. Also, without a social life, days off are pretty depressing.

Thursdays I work in the St. Paul Temple from 9-2. I went today, praying for guidance. I got to the Temple early and as I waited for the prayer meeting to start I flipped open the nearest set of scriptures. It opened to Alma 31. I just kept flipping through, trying to remember where I was in El Libro de Mormon.

After the prayer meeting I went about other Temple duties and, eventually, I got some time to sit in the Celestial room. While I was in there, praying for peace and direction, I decided again to flip open the scriptures. This set also turned straight to Alma 31, and this time I decided to read it.

Alma 31:5 is a nice scripture, and I liked what it said, but it didn't really have significance to my question. I almost started flipping pages again, thinking that maybe I was looking for signs at that point, but decided to keep reading.

Alma 31: 37-38 were exactly what I needed to read. In this chapter Alma and his sons decide to preach the word of God to the Zoramites, who have fallen into some weird beliefs. Alma prays, asking God to help them with their missions. The final verses:

37 And after that they did separate themselves one from another,taking no thought for themselves what they should eat, or what they should drink, or what they should put on.

38 And the Lord provided for them that they should hunger not, neither should they thirst; yea, and he also gave them strength, that they should suffer no manner of afflictions, save it were swallowed up in the joy of Christ. Now this was according to the prayer of Alma; and this because he prayed in faith.

I know that God knows me. I know that He knows what I need. I am doing my best to follow Him and have faith.

It is a lot easier to say than to live, but I do know that God has a plan for the time I now have open. I do not know what that plan is, but I have faith that if I continue to do all that I can to open doors, He will show me the right one to go through.

While I wait for further direction, I have applied to a lot of jobs. I have also contacted the few people I know in Minnesota and asked them to keep their eyes open for me. I know that I am relatively unhireable (since my availability is MTW and I leave in 9 weeks). I also know that this little affliction will be swallowed up in the joy of Christ.

Whatever is supposed to happen, will happen. I am glad to have had my faith strengthened today as a response to my prayers.

Chanda C.

Student Loan Payback Time

It is cute that the University actually expects me to have my life together enough to begin making student loan payments only 6 months after graduation.

I owe $3100 in student loans.

It would be all too easy for me to lecture myself on ways I could have avoided owing this money.

All too easy to count up the concerts and plays I attended, the nights I ate out, the splurges I made while grocery shopping (the fancy cheeses always get me), the road trips I went on..

But I am so grateful that I had those opportunities.

Four years of my life were spent at the University of Arizona. I am in awe of the blessing those four years were on my life.

I did not know, as a freshman, that my car that I saved up all summer to buy would be stolen a month after the semester started. Or that the car I got after would be wrecked. I didn't know that I would take multiple trips to California, one to Texas, a few to Idaho, and countless ones around the state of Arizona. I didn't know that I would love going to concerts (and consequently spend a lot of money attending them). 

I didn't know that in those four years I would decide what I wanted my life to look like, and then decide something different, and then decide something different again.

I had no idea that my friendships would change every year with my living situation. That I would meet people who taught me more about myself than they did about themselves. Nor did I know that I would have roommates that I just didn't get along with. I didn't realize (for the best) that I would keep in contact with approximately 0 people from high school (or that I would prefer it that way).

I had no idea that my testimony of Jesus Christ and my relationship with my Heavenly Father would become what it is now. I couldn't have known that I would receive answers to my prayers so frequently that I couldn't deny promptings, even when they were things I didn't want to do.

I did not expect that I would be working 35+ hours a week while going to school to keep my debt down. I didn't predict that I would love nannying so much that I would want to continue doing it, even after graduation.

I didn't realize that I would be graduating in four years with a (nice sounding but completely useless) BA in Psychology. 

I didn't realize that on my trips to California I would fall even more in love with Disneyland. And because of that I would end up moving to Florida right after graduation. I didn't realize that working for Disney World would not be what I expected so I would end up moving to (cold) Minnesota to be a nanny while I prepared to serve a mission.

I didn't know that I wouldn't meet my knight in shining armor until my senior year. Or that I would refuse to date him for 5 months because he was leaving on a mission. I didn't know that I would obsessively write him letters after he left, and be able to laugh and feel close to him even while he was on a different continent.

Absolutely none of this was predictable. And $3100 seems a small price for the lessons I learned (mostly outside of school) and the people I met and the memories I made.

I am so fortunate to have found a major that I loved and that came easily to me. I am proud that I graduated with a 3.9 GPA and enjoyed my classes. I am glad that because I understood the classes so well, I had time left over to have other experiences. I was able to be a long-term volunteer at several places. I was able to experience Tucson's culture and fall in love with the city. I was able to become friends with so many people who changed me and helped me see the world differently.

I am on a solid path now. This is a weird transition period in my life, definitely, but I know what I want. I have a few things, the most important things, figured out.

I know that God was directly involved in my life. I know that He knows exactly what I needed to experience to become the type of person He knows I can be. I'm still a work in progress, I always will be. But I am committed to honoring and following Him.

I know that God speaks to us, He answers prayers, He has a plan. I know that by following Him and seeking His guidance I will find happiness and peace.

I wasn't always perfect about it. I goofed up on things, I put my agenda before His frequently. I am recommitting, like I have to do every day (sometimes more often), to follow and believe in Him.

$3100 isn't too much to pay for the people I met, the places I went, and the person I became.

Thanks to all for the love and support!!

xoxo

Chanda, BA

Llamado a Servir

I got my call!!!! I'll be serving in the California Rancho Cucamonga mission, speaking Spanish!! I'm so excited. I report to the Mexico CCM on Dec 31.

I am so so happy. My decision to serve has been a L-O-N-G process.. I started my application two years ago (Sept of 2012). I was dating R at the time but I knew that I wanted to serve and would regret not going. When I asked my bishop to open an application he had been planning on asking me to be a ward missionary.

When I started filling out my papers and praying about it I felt like I needed to finish school before I left. Instead of stopping, I contacted all of my scholarship people and asked if they would guarantee that they would hold my scholarships for me if I left for three semesters and they said they would. I thought that solved the problem, but I still felt weird about serving. So I fasted and felt like I definitely was not supposed to go. Then, a month later, the age requirements changed and I got a distinct impression that I wasn't needed as a missionary right then.

So I kept moving toward my degree and kept dating R. Then he and I got a little more serious and I decided that I probably wasn't going to serve a mission because I was going to just be with him and work while he went through school.

Then I started praying and fasting about whether R and I should move forward and I was definitely told no, that we needed to break up. Anyone who was around me in that dark period of my life knows how that went, ha ha. It was a very low point. I was a total mess about it and I didn't want to break up with him. It didn't seem fair or right. We got along well. I liked his family. We were both doing well and going to church and praying and reading scriptures. However, I couldn't deny the answer I had been given, so we ended things. That was a long, drawn-out, emotional process. BUT because we broke up I spent a lot of time with the sisters in our ward. Like, I went out with them at least three times weekly all summer. It kind of reignited my desire to serve, but I felt like I had already made plans not to go on a mission so I just brushed it aside. Maybe I was just meant to be a ward missionary.

Then I started my senior year and tried to figure out what I was going to do after I graduated. I like having plans and being prepared. Like, really. I am an Excel-budget-for-every-possible-situation type of girl. I applied for Teach for America and got accepted. But when I fasted about doing that I felt like it wasn't right. Then I decided I would keep working for the law firm that I worked for my senior year, but fasted and felt like that was wrong, too. Then I was offered the Disney internship and felt like that was what I should do, even though it didn't pay very much and it was across the country and I would have to leave Erik and Tucson before I wanted to and my dad would have to watch Luna. Despite all of the logical reasons why Disney World was not right for me, I felt like it was where I needed to go. Don't get me wrong, I love the Mouse and I was excited. I just felt like it definitely didn't make sense.

Also my senior year, I started dating Erik and realized that he and I really clicked well and had a lot of good things in common. He made me want to be better and he helped me to grow and achieve more than anyone else I had ever dated. He made me laugh and comforted me and I was (and am) so impressed with how hard he works and what he stands for. I got really excited for him when he put in his papers and got his call. And then I realized (again) that I really wanted to serve.

The day Erik opened his mission call I went home and finished filling out all of my papers, so that God would know that I was ready and willing. I also made appointments for the medical and dental portions of the paperwork. I kept praying and trying to see if it was what I should do, but all I got back was "Take it a step at a time." Specifically, the song Lead Kindly Light was repeated in my life over and over (I fasted on General Conference weekend last April and one of the first songs that MoTab sang was Lead Kindly Light. Right before the session started, as I was driving to Erik's house, I had a distinct impression that that song would be the answer to my fast.). I knew that I was supposed to go to Florida, and after that I only knew that God would let me know.

I went back and forth for a long time. One day I'd decide that I was going to serve and the next I decided that it made more sense for me to work and save money and get established. I made so many tentative plans. I was going to put in my papers ASAP. I was going to wait until right after Florida. I was going to wait until six months after Florida. I actually wasn't going to go at all. My poor family, and poor Erik, got so many mixed messages.

In Florida I attended the ward for young single adults and felt awful. I left and as I was crying on my way home I felt like I needed to go to the family ward instead. The next week I did.

That Sunday was a missionary farewell. The songs we sang were "I'll Go Where You Want Me to Go," "With Humble Heart," "Called to Serve," and "Lord, I Would Follow Thee." I met with Bishop Beck that first Sunday so we could get to know each other. During the meeting I mentioned that I had mission papers but didn't know if I wanted to go or not. He really encouraged me to and I fasted about it again the next day and finally felt great about it. I talked to all of my extended family and asked if they would be able to help pay for me to go (because I had absolutely nothing saved) and they pulled together and figured it out.

My situation in Florida was less than ideal. I needed to be making money and that wasn't happening with a minimum wage job. I also wasn't around people that I really felt could help me learn and grow and be lifted. My roommates were really..different than me. To say the least. They were really nice and I have a spot in my heart for each of them, but I felt like I was living in a sorority house. One day I came home and they were watching porn in the living room, because the girl in the porno went to high school with one of my roommates and she wanted to see if she was any good. Those sort of shenanigans happened regularly, but that was kind of the last straw. I decided that I needed to peace out.

I went to the Orlando temple to do baptisms and prayed there for a long time. I knew I was supposed to go to Florida for some reason. I didn't feel like I had done anything significant enough to justify the cost of moving. How could I have served my purpose there, or how was I supposed to stay there long enough to serve my purpose in that environment? I also talked to my friend, Zac. He managed to speak straight to my soul. He reminded me of a lot of things that I already knew, but that were so frequently said that I took them for granted. With his encouragement and the Spirit's guidance, I decided it was time to leave Florida.

My aunt and uncle (who live in Minnesota) had invited me to live with them until I left on my mission. Their offer had stood for a while, I just wasn't sure if I wanted it. I didn't know anyone in MN, I didn't have a job in MN. I had never even been to MN (quite frankly I wasn't exactly sure where MN was). I wasn't sure I wanted my papers to leave from MN, because I didn't want to go back after my mission to MN. But I prayed about it and felt like it was what was supposed to happen. They were going to Nauvoo the next week with my mom and two younger siblings and thought it would be cool if I could meet them there and then drive the rest of the way to MN. I quit the next day and left two days later.

Coincidentally my younger sister in Arizona was in a situation that she needed to get out of. She flew to Florida and drove with me to Nauvoo, which helped both of us.

Nauvoo was a wonderful experience that really helped strengthen my testimony of the Restoration and showed me that people can do hard things. I really learned and felt a lot.

Now I am in MN. The day I got here I had a job interview and was offered the job. Since then, I have had multiple job offers, most of which I had to turn down. Now I am working about 50 hours/week as a nanny, saving up for my mission (and after my mission and before my mission), and learning and growing and studying. I got all of my papers put in (which I was impatient about and felt like it took forever to gather the information from my Tucson bishop and my Florida bishop and my Lakeside doctor and dentist).

The wait for my call was killer. Let me tell you, patience is not something I have a lot of. I was checking the mailbox daily (also waiting for letters from Erik, so there were multiple reasons to be excited). I decided that I was going to get my call on Thursday, Sept 11 (13 days after I had submitted it). I checked the mail every ten minutes. Our mail here doesn't usually arrive until like 4:30, that day it didn't come until closer to 5. My aunt finally put a note on the mailbox, letting the mail carrier know that Chanda Crossman was expecting an important missionary call from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. She requested that when it was delivered the mail carrier honk "excessively and obnoxiously" so we could run out and get the mail. We attached a bag of mini-Ghiradelli squares with a note "Mini Thanks!" The mail was delivered that day, no honk, no call. So I resigned myself to wait another week (because I was very certain, for some reason, that my call would be delivered on a Thursday...).

The next day I was supposed to work from 7AM-5PM and then from 7:30PM-10:30PM. My first job ended early and I got off at 2PM. As I was driving home I had a very specific daydream that I was going to pull into my driveway and the mail would be delivered right then and my call would be in it. I scolded myself for getting too excited and working myself up. As I pulled into my driveway, the mail carrier pulled behind me to our mailbox and delivered our mail and honked "excessively and obnoxiously" a whole two hours earlier than usual. I went to check and my call was there! WOO.

I couldn't open it until 11:30 that night, because that was the next time everyone was available to gather together. I texted a few people, letting them know it had come. I got to talk to Zac, Alec, and Wade. As I was talking to Zac (or Alec?... I can't remember) I mentioned how much I missed In N Out and tacos. They told me I just needed to hope for a call to Anaheim and I would be set.

I opened the call surrounded by my family who lives in MN and electronically surrounded by other friends and family. I made a few wisecracks about it being past the Holy Ghost's bedtime, etc.. My call is perfect. I opened it and read it. Then my aunt started everyone singing Called To Serve (which I have been memorizing in Spanish).

I might not ever understand exactly why I had to move to Florida, but I know it was supposed to happen. And now I am SO EXCITED to serve in California. I wanted, so badly, a Spanish-speaking mission. It was what I prayed for since I started my papers two years ago.

I am in Mosiah of El Libro de Mormon, and I will be able to finish it before I leave. I have started praying in Spanish and reviewing things I learned at UA in my Spanish classes. I WILL BE PREPARED.

This call is seriously so perfect. Erik wants to get his masters in California so I plan on living there in four years (I mean..maybe, or whatever...), I am excited to make some connections with people there. It is Spanish speaking. It is warm. It will have easy access to Mexican food. I will be returning to the blessed West and the wonderful grid-system of roads. While I do think going foreign would have been cool, I'm not sure I am sturdy enough to have handled it. I think one tapeworm would send me to the hospital pretty quickly. I was really worried about that.

I'm so happy. I know God answers prayers and that He knows what is best. I've learned a lot and grown a lot. And I have even more to grow and learn. I'm thrilled. I am so thankful I have the opportunity to work and save for four months before I leave. I know that things will work out, but I am also terrified of coming back to no car, no job, no house, no clothes...

So, like I said.. long story. But I know I am exactly where I need to be. I'll be receiving my endowments on October 11 in the Mesa temple. Then I will be a Temple worker in MN until I leave, which I am happy about.




My mission boundaries-- see how close I am to Disneyland??






My call and I. At 11:30 at night. You can tell I am tired. And happy.






Erik was the closest guess. He predicted San Diego.






Before I opened the call. I was so afraid I was going to get called somewhere scary.

Erik's response to my call:
YOUR CALL! AH! I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU. IT IS SO PERFECT. I AM SO HAPPY YOU ARE STAYING IN THE UNITED STATES. THE GUY NEXT TO ME IS FROM THERE AND HE SAYS IT IS AWESOME. YOU WILL LOVE THE MEXICO MTC. OH SWEETIE. I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU. THIS IS THE BEST POSSIBLE ONE. WOO!

I am a college graduate!

I can't believe it. I just finished my last class of my undergraduate career.

I cried a lot as I walked out of that class. I love the University of Arizona campus. I love belonging here. I love what I have done. I love the people that I have met. I am so proud of what I have accomplished. I worked so hard to get here. It wasn't all me, but a lot of it was.

Something that was said in my class tonight (because it is an upper-level psychology course that feels a lot like therapy so we do cool things like dedication candlelight ceremonies) really struck me.
"You don't get to be where I am from where I used to be."

I can't take all of the credit for getting here. But I am proud as heck that I am now Chanda Crossman, BA.

Recap:

Freshman year
First semester started out rough. I didn't get along with my roommate, my car was stolen (later Jane), I had two break-ups (hey-oh Bert G.!), got my first B (stupid general education courses), walked to church a lot, serious financial crises, had to give Luna to my mom, didn't know what to major in, wrote something like 50 essays over the course of the semester (stupid Honors classes), and cried in public (s/o to the douche who made that happen). I went to Disneyland. Sarah W. (now Sarah S.) got me through that semester. I don't know what I would have done without her angelic presence in my life. Bethany R. and Victoria V. were great, too.
Second semester was much better. I got a new roommate (who was probably the best one I have ever had ever, Brittany C. {now Brittany L.}), started dating someone, got a new car (thanks, Wyndie and Eugene) (Sir Galahad), learned how to handle classes, made great new friends (s/o to Zac B. and Lyndsay B.), went to Six Flags Magic Mountain and Disneyland.
That summer was great. I spent a lot of time in Yuma. A lot of time. Went to Magic Mountain. Said goodbye to a missionary or two. Bought a new car (Sir Cadagon).

Sophomore year
First semester: Moved in to an apartment much closer to campus. Got along with my roommates (Chloe G.), lived with Luna, became friends with a lot of cool people (names can't be mentioned due to current friends-off situation), had a lot of late nights and belly laughs, got written off by a missionary, said goodbye to more missionaries, started work at the SALT Center and Mad Science, went to Disneyland, drove to Houston, TX to be in Brittany's wedding.
Second semester: Stopped getting along with most of my roommates (never tell a girl not to marry the guy she loves and avoid rotten pumpkins altogether), started dating a guy, learned the art of ditching class, went to a lot of concerts (thanks to Roland T. and Sarah V.).
Summer was good, mostly. Some people in my life started making poor choices which was stressful. Stayed in Tucson and worked a lot. Got a third/second job (because Mad Science wasn't particularly lucrative).

Junior year
First semester: moved in to a giant house (we're talking 8 bed/7 bath/ 2 laundry room/ 3 fridge), kept LunaBug, became close to important people (s/o to Patti and Chuckie C., Beth W., Emily E., Hayley A., Maddy S. {now Maddy T.}, Kirk T.), feeling secure, went to Disneyland, first time I had to take someone to the ER (Taryn and her appendix).
Second semester: hardest class of my undergraduate career, perfected faking having done the readings, finished my minor, started freaking out about grad school, went to Disneyland, had my heart and future ripped out and stomped on (glad to have survived that), started feeling my way back into the social world, had a world of help from so many people (Christian M., Maggie P., Beth W., Hayley A., Mercedes A., Sarah F.), became close with Sarah F. (f stands for friend, just kidding). Started working as a nanny, worked 3 jobs for about 3 weeks, finally quit one, quit the other during the summer.
Summer was hard. I was sad. I couldn't sleep. I lost a lot of weight. I cried most of the time. Break ups suck. I met Erik P. and became close with a lot of people (Isaac F., Rhett B., Alec P., Milo W., frisbee people). I went to NYC and was in my brother's lovely wedding.

Senior year
First semester I finally started to actually feel happy most of the time. I went on a lot of dates with a lot of boys and didn't want anything to do with them. Applied to TFA. Went to Disneyland. Really grew close to Erik and Sarah, spent a lot of time at the library. Again a lot of late nights and ugly-laughing. Lots of missionaries came back, it was weird seeing them around the institute again.
Second semester I started dating Erik, I got accepted to TFA, rejected TFA, offered full-time employment as a nanny, declined it. I asked for full-time employment and was denied. I applied to the Disney internship, was accepted, and I took it. My sister got engaged, my mom plans on moving to Minnesota in May. Realized I have no idea what I want out of life. Filled out mission paperwork to open up that possibility. Had a class with Zac B.. Went to Disneyland. Went to San Diego.

I can't believe I am done. I love belonging on campus. I probably will get a graduate degree someday, but I don't know. This could be the end of my formal schooling. I can't believe it.

I know Florida is what is supposed to be next for me. It is terrifying and thrilling and I am so excited and nervous to go. I need to keep reminding myself that only through stretching do we grow. Cheers!

Freshman year, how awkward.

Senior year, a little less so.

Semi-Annual Update

I don't have anything to say but someone asked me why I never post anymore. So here I am!

The past 6 months have been good.

Chanda

Just kidding, ha ha. They have been, though. I've been blessed beyond belief.

Some highlights:

I got to go to Disneyland with my dad, Erik, and a woman named Katrina. It was a family reunion but we only really had lunch with my family and the rest of the time we were on our own. I love Disneyland. And the people I went with made it even more fun. It was a blast. I saw two Disney cats, ate like 6 churros, and laughed until I cried multiple times.

I got straight As last semester. That was actually pretty difficult, but not as difficult as I thought it would be at the beginning of the semester. I took a neuropsych class which was extremely technical. At the beginning of the semester I realized I was in way over my head, but I ended up getting over 100% on every single test. That is really not to my credit. I studied hard, read all of the chapters, and prayed a lot. I came to truly appreciate the knowledge I have that I have a link to God and He knows everything.

Sarah F and I cemented our friendship over the summer/last semester. She is incredible. We get along on so many levels and I am grateful to know her. She and I bought fitness passes on Groupon and tried Jazzercise, Capoeira, Zumba, and continued yoga. It is so much fun. My favorite part of working out with her is that afterwards we always eat and it is never healthy food.

I went out a lot. Too much probably, in retrospect. I have nothing more to say about that.

I became closer to a lot of people and made a lot of new friends. I am lucky for that.

My friend, Zac, got back from his mission in Kentucky!!! I was so excited. I got to see him the day he got back and he hugged me, but then also kept his distance for a long time. My cousin, Monte, also got back from his mission in SLC, he hugged me too but was pretty shaky. Bert got back, but I have yet to see him. We text, though. And Jenkin got back but that was awkward so we don't need to go into details.

I got a new calling. I was a ward missionary (which I loved with all of my heart) but now I am a Relief Society teacher. I look forward to developing my teaching skills. And hopefully becoming friends with more girls.

My mom did a bunch of work on my family history on my dad's side. I now know that a lot of them came from Chicago and I have their names! I'm so excited, that was definitely the highlight of my Christmas.

I made a lot of progress personally. I still have no idea what I am going to do with life post-graduation, but I am able to look forward to it. I know God has a plan for me, I just have to do some digging and figure that plan out.

I'm absolutely certain there are things I've forgotten, but honestly I don't think anyone reads this and if they do they're probably my friend on FB or follower on Twitter. You're up-to-date.

XOXO

Chanda