I am a college graduate!

I can't believe it. I just finished my last class of my undergraduate career.

I cried a lot as I walked out of that class. I love the University of Arizona campus. I love belonging here. I love what I have done. I love the people that I have met. I am so proud of what I have accomplished. I worked so hard to get here. It wasn't all me, but a lot of it was.

Something that was said in my class tonight (because it is an upper-level psychology course that feels a lot like therapy so we do cool things like dedication candlelight ceremonies) really struck me.
"You don't get to be where I am from where I used to be."

I can't take all of the credit for getting here. But I am proud as heck that I am now Chanda Crossman, BA.

Recap:

Freshman year
First semester started out rough. I didn't get along with my roommate, my car was stolen (later Jane), I had two break-ups (hey-oh Bert G.!), got my first B (stupid general education courses), walked to church a lot, serious financial crises, had to give Luna to my mom, didn't know what to major in, wrote something like 50 essays over the course of the semester (stupid Honors classes), and cried in public (s/o to the douche who made that happen). I went to Disneyland. Sarah W. (now Sarah S.) got me through that semester. I don't know what I would have done without her angelic presence in my life. Bethany R. and Victoria V. were great, too.
Second semester was much better. I got a new roommate (who was probably the best one I have ever had ever, Brittany C. {now Brittany L.}), started dating someone, got a new car (thanks, Wyndie and Eugene) (Sir Galahad), learned how to handle classes, made great new friends (s/o to Zac B. and Lyndsay B.), went to Six Flags Magic Mountain and Disneyland.
That summer was great. I spent a lot of time in Yuma. A lot of time. Went to Magic Mountain. Said goodbye to a missionary or two. Bought a new car (Sir Cadagon).

Sophomore year
First semester: Moved in to an apartment much closer to campus. Got along with my roommates (Chloe G.), lived with Luna, became friends with a lot of cool people (names can't be mentioned due to current friends-off situation), had a lot of late nights and belly laughs, got written off by a missionary, said goodbye to more missionaries, started work at the SALT Center and Mad Science, went to Disneyland, drove to Houston, TX to be in Brittany's wedding.
Second semester: Stopped getting along with most of my roommates (never tell a girl not to marry the guy she loves and avoid rotten pumpkins altogether), started dating a guy, learned the art of ditching class, went to a lot of concerts (thanks to Roland T. and Sarah V.).
Summer was good, mostly. Some people in my life started making poor choices which was stressful. Stayed in Tucson and worked a lot. Got a third/second job (because Mad Science wasn't particularly lucrative).

Junior year
First semester: moved in to a giant house (we're talking 8 bed/7 bath/ 2 laundry room/ 3 fridge), kept LunaBug, became close to important people (s/o to Patti and Chuckie C., Beth W., Emily E., Hayley A., Maddy S. {now Maddy T.}, Kirk T.), feeling secure, went to Disneyland, first time I had to take someone to the ER (Taryn and her appendix).
Second semester: hardest class of my undergraduate career, perfected faking having done the readings, finished my minor, started freaking out about grad school, went to Disneyland, had my heart and future ripped out and stomped on (glad to have survived that), started feeling my way back into the social world, had a world of help from so many people (Christian M., Maggie P., Beth W., Hayley A., Mercedes A., Sarah F.), became close with Sarah F. (f stands for friend, just kidding). Started working as a nanny, worked 3 jobs for about 3 weeks, finally quit one, quit the other during the summer.
Summer was hard. I was sad. I couldn't sleep. I lost a lot of weight. I cried most of the time. Break ups suck. I met Erik P. and became close with a lot of people (Isaac F., Rhett B., Alec P., Milo W., frisbee people). I went to NYC and was in my brother's lovely wedding.

Senior year
First semester I finally started to actually feel happy most of the time. I went on a lot of dates with a lot of boys and didn't want anything to do with them. Applied to TFA. Went to Disneyland. Really grew close to Erik and Sarah, spent a lot of time at the library. Again a lot of late nights and ugly-laughing. Lots of missionaries came back, it was weird seeing them around the institute again.
Second semester I started dating Erik, I got accepted to TFA, rejected TFA, offered full-time employment as a nanny, declined it. I asked for full-time employment and was denied. I applied to the Disney internship, was accepted, and I took it. My sister got engaged, my mom plans on moving to Minnesota in May. Realized I have no idea what I want out of life. Filled out mission paperwork to open up that possibility. Had a class with Zac B.. Went to Disneyland. Went to San Diego.

I can't believe I am done. I love belonging on campus. I probably will get a graduate degree someday, but I don't know. This could be the end of my formal schooling. I can't believe it.

I know Florida is what is supposed to be next for me. It is terrifying and thrilling and I am so excited and nervous to go. I need to keep reminding myself that only through stretching do we grow. Cheers!

Freshman year, how awkward.

Senior year, a little less so.

Semi-Annual Update

I don't have anything to say but someone asked me why I never post anymore. So here I am!

The past 6 months have been good.

Chanda

Just kidding, ha ha. They have been, though. I've been blessed beyond belief.

Some highlights:

I got to go to Disneyland with my dad, Erik, and a woman named Katrina. It was a family reunion but we only really had lunch with my family and the rest of the time we were on our own. I love Disneyland. And the people I went with made it even more fun. It was a blast. I saw two Disney cats, ate like 6 churros, and laughed until I cried multiple times.

I got straight As last semester. That was actually pretty difficult, but not as difficult as I thought it would be at the beginning of the semester. I took a neuropsych class which was extremely technical. At the beginning of the semester I realized I was in way over my head, but I ended up getting over 100% on every single test. That is really not to my credit. I studied hard, read all of the chapters, and prayed a lot. I came to truly appreciate the knowledge I have that I have a link to God and He knows everything.

Sarah F and I cemented our friendship over the summer/last semester. She is incredible. We get along on so many levels and I am grateful to know her. She and I bought fitness passes on Groupon and tried Jazzercise, Capoeira, Zumba, and continued yoga. It is so much fun. My favorite part of working out with her is that afterwards we always eat and it is never healthy food.

I went out a lot. Too much probably, in retrospect. I have nothing more to say about that.

I became closer to a lot of people and made a lot of new friends. I am lucky for that.

My friend, Zac, got back from his mission in Kentucky!!! I was so excited. I got to see him the day he got back and he hugged me, but then also kept his distance for a long time. My cousin, Monte, also got back from his mission in SLC, he hugged me too but was pretty shaky. Bert got back, but I have yet to see him. We text, though. And Jenkin got back but that was awkward so we don't need to go into details.

I got a new calling. I was a ward missionary (which I loved with all of my heart) but now I am a Relief Society teacher. I look forward to developing my teaching skills. And hopefully becoming friends with more girls.

My mom did a bunch of work on my family history on my dad's side. I now know that a lot of them came from Chicago and I have their names! I'm so excited, that was definitely the highlight of my Christmas.

I made a lot of progress personally. I still have no idea what I am going to do with life post-graduation, but I am able to look forward to it. I know God has a plan for me, I just have to do some digging and figure that plan out.

I'm absolutely certain there are things I've forgotten, but honestly I don't think anyone reads this and if they do they're probably my friend on FB or follower on Twitter. You're up-to-date.

XOXO

Chanda

Busy Summer (ySUbMMER)

This summer has been so busy!!

It is amazing to me how busy I've been considering I'm a) not travelling much and b) single in the summer for the first time since my freshman year of high school.

This summer I dedicated myself to making new friends, doing new things, and developing hobbies to make myself more interesting.

I've kept busy. I've worked about 50 hours/week all summer at two different jobs. I love them. I was reassigned to a new supervisor at my AzCIM job and I have been enjoying the tasks much more. I also have started doing office work for my administrative assistant job at the law firm (the one where I used to just watch children). I love it. My day gets broken up with various errands, I get to network with professionals in Tucson, and I get to take a shiny elevator up a fancy building for work. The doors are all like 10 feet tall... Soooo I mean, pretty fancy.

I also have started volunteering (quite recently). I'm in line to be matched with a little sister with Big Brothers Big Sisters Tucson. I used to be a BIG in high school, but never picked it up again after moving here. I look forward to it, I had to agree to commit for a whole year. I also am now volunteering at the Community Food Bank once a week. It is so awesome! I want to keep up with this one during the school year, but we'll see how I do with my schedule.

I've worked on my athletic prowess this summer also. I am getting much better at ultimate frisbee. I love it. There has been more than one occasion where I've played ultimate at the UA Mall past 3 in the morning. I play every week with a group from church, plus whenever else I can manage to get a group together.
I also went to yoga, and plan on continuing that. I loved it. I thought I would hate it. But I didn't. I'm going to make that a regular thing also.
And the other day I played basketball for the first time in years. It was great!

I went dancing the other night with a few of my friends. It was a blast! I loved it. We saw Darude (he did Sandstorm, the most overplayed dance song in the world). It was awesome. And his shirt said "Lettuce Turnip the Beet," which is hilarious.

I'm loving going out with the sister missionaries and attending almost every church activity. I can't wait for people to move into the ward at the beginning of the school year. I really enjoy meeting new people and making new friends.

I'm really happy. I see blessings in my life constantly.

I was in my roommate's wedding. That was incredible. The wedding was absolutely gorgeous. It rained the day of, so the temperature stayed down. Maddy and Kirk are a wonderful couple. I am so happy for them.

That's been a lot of what has been happening here. :) I can't remember the last time I felt so happy and confident about where I am in my life.

What do you call a hooker that you pay with linguini?

A pastatute (or a spaghetti-hoe). HAHAHA.

Chanda

Change is in the air (and so is pollen)

Things have changed in my life.

The most exciting change is that I own a new car!! My dad drove it down to Tucson for me this weekend. It is a 2007 Honda Civic. It's really cute and it smells like coffee on the inside.

I bought it from the original owner and she gave me a great deal. I'm super thankful that she was willing to sell it to me for as little as she did. I hope it lasts years.

The next biggest change (though not exciting) is that Roland and I aren't dating anymore. It was a mutual agreement between us. He needs to go to school and felt that he couldn't do that while dating me. And it will be good for me to be independent for a bit.

It has been a really really really hard transition. He was part of my every day for a year and a half, and now we aren't talking. (We're not mad at each other or anything, but trying to redraw a line from relationship to friendship is really hard, so we're taking a little cleanse from each other.) I miss him and his jokes and the time we would spend together. But I know that in a few months I will be absolutely fantastic. I'm looking forward to that time.

It has been interesting for me to see how I can interact in groups. When I was in groups with Roland I felt like a bridge between him (he can be a little introverted sometimes) and other people. I didn't mind that role at all, but without having to do that I am much more social than I remembered being.

My friends have been incredible. They have kept me busy and distracted and let me cry (a lot) to them. I'm thankful to have the friends that I do.

I think I am sick. I woke up this morning with a sore throat and it isn't getting better. That's a big bummer.

General conference was this weekend! I wasn't able to focus on it like I would have enjoyed to, but what I have heard has been wonderful. I am looking forward to reading the talks and studying them daily.

That is it in my life. My brain is fuzzy. I'm going to take a nap.

Chanda C.

My Lambo

I came home to Lakeside this weekend (well, it is actually Show Low now because my dad moved. But there are trees and so I am happy).

I kept feeling like I shouldn't drive my car, but I couldn't remember why. So this morning Mel (my little sister, who had been dropped off the night previous), Luna, and I hopped in my tender little '88 Toyota Camry and started driving. Once we got out of Oro Valley it started snowing/raining. I couldn't tell if they were flakes or drops, but there was snow on the ground.

It started to get a little cold so I reached down to turn on my heater and then I remembered why I had felt like I shouldn't drive my car... My heater only works sometimes. I can't figure out what inspires it to be hot, or how that goes away... But sometimes my heater works more like a cooler.

It wasn't too bad, and I didn't have cell service so I kept driving. Once I got to Globe I called my dad and asked him what I should do. He told me to go to an auto parts store and ask them to check my radiator fluid and buy more/refill it if it was low.

I don't really like using my good looks to manipulate others, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

I went to Auto Zone in Globe and walked in while Mel and Luna waited in the car. A gentleman behind the counter said hello and asked how he could help me. I told him that the heater in my Lamborghini wasn't working and asked if he would mind taking a look. Then I told him that I had lied, my car was an '88 Camry but I figured it would be easier to get someone to help me if they thought they'd be working on a nice car.

He checked my fluid for me, it was fine. I guess something is wrong with the heater valve or thermometer or something? I don't know.

I thanked the Auto Zone guy and called my dad to see what my next move was. My plan, which I happily introduced to my dad, was to go to Wal*Mart and buy one of the space heaters that I can plug into my cigarette lighter but he said that was a stupid idea (bummer).

Instead, I ghetto-rigged my car as per my dad's instructions on the phone. The conversation went something like this:

D: See the radiator?
C: I see where the tube is connected to the cap that the guy used to check my fluid. Is that connected?
D: That's the radiator.
C: That is what I thought. There was a stolen one in my car when it got stolen.
D: Okay, now you'll need a piece of cardboard.
C: I have a paper whole foods grocery bag, will that work?
D: Yeah, okay. They like recycling so it should be heavy duty. Now you need to put that in the space between the radiator and the "___" (I can't remember what he called the other thing).
C: Is this safe? I feel like that space is there for a reason.
D: Yeah, just WATCH YOUR TEMPERATURE GAUGE. YOU COULD OVERHEAT SO EASILY BECAUSE OF THIS.
C: What is this doing?
D: Blocking some air from your radiator. People have done this for years.
C: Okay. I'm going to send you a picture before I drive this. It looks sketchy. Is it going to catch on fire? Is it blocking too much air? What if it overheats? It is so cold.
D: It looks great. The air blowing past will be 20 degrees, it won't catch on fire. CHECK YOUR TEMPERATURE GAUGE RELIGIOUSLY OR YOU MIGHT DIE.

So, I did that. And I stayed just warm enough to not have frost bite. Then my dad drove my car and the heater was plenty warm for him. I don't know what happened.

And tonight I bought boots. Warm, winter, ugly boots. No regrets though. My feet were freezing.
My spring break is less springy than I would want.

I'm so happy to be with my dad though. We got Pizza Factory. And I've seen someone I know everywhere we have gone. Ha ha. (No joke, when we were at Big 5 getting the boots I heard someone say "Yeah, it is Chanda" and then go in the back. No idea who it was.)

Lakeside. Love/hate. Always.

Chanda

My paranoia: confirmed

Just to be sure everyone knows-- I was a really paranoid child.

My parents grounded me from reading The Reader's Digest because it would scare me so much that I couldn't sleep ("The Rapist Next Door," etc).

Also, I cried every time my family went on a car ride with only one parent, because I was certain that that parent would have a heart attack and I wouldn't be able to drive (and I certainly didn't trust Wade to do it). I would sit in the car the whole time and cry and ask whoever was driving if they were feeling okay, and to pull over if they had any sort of pain anywhere.

This lasted until well into my teenage years. I loved babysitting, but as soon as the kids went to bed I would end up curled on the couch terrified that someone was going to break into the house and kill the children. I usually ended up calling my parents and one of them would come sit with me until my shift was over.

I was probably a real blast to take care of.

I've gotten better though. I can talk myself out of freaking out. I still have some tendencies (like when I turn off the light in my kitchen, I run to my bedroom because I'm a little afraid of the dark).

Anyway, point is, I am not as scared as I used to be but I'm still probably more scared than most people.

I'm thankful for that though. It has caused me to be hyper-vigilant in certain situations.

One of my student jobs is off-campus. Parking permits are into the $500 range but a bus pass is only $100. So I ride the bus to/from campus and my job about three times a week.

Last semester I noticed some erratic behavior from a guy in a big maroon truck. When he saw me at the bus stop, he would turn into the parking lot for the Pizza Hut that is right behind the stop. His turning seemed to be based on the fact that I was there-- it was erratic and not planned out. He occasionally would cat-call or whistle or wave, but I always just ignored him. Sometimes he was with another guy also. This happened probably 2-3 times a month. While I thought it was weird, and it creeped me out a little, I never sensed that I was in real danger.

This semester I hadn't seen Truck Guy at all. But Wednesday, when I was at the bus stop in the middle of the day, he saw me again. I want to note that he was going north when he saw me, and I was waiting for the bus which was going south- that will be important later. He pulled into the parking lot really fast and started waving at me and gesturing for me to go over to his truck. I ignored him and got closer to the other person at the bus stop (a stranger reading a book) and hoping that Truck Guy would let me be. He kept calling out to me and telling me to go to him and I kept ignoring him.

Then HE OPENED HIS TRUCK DOOR and got out and started walking towards me. As I noticed I called Roland (assuming he would act like Liam Neeson in the situation-- I can dream, right? Logic was gone.). RIGHT then, the bus pulled up. The other guy at the stop let me get on first and I was out of the situation.

Now, as I mentioned before, I was heading south (towards campus) and the truck had previously been headed north. But Truck Guy decided it was a good idea to follow me. He pulled up next to the bus and, at the next stop light, stopped where he was level with where I was in the bus. He kept gesturing at me and we were close enough that I could tell that I definitely did NOT recognize him. When the light turned green and the bus started going, he sped off.

I'm fine, but definitely a little more paranoid than I was last week. A big worry of mine is that he obviously knows where I am headed (I always have my backpack with me) and that he knows the area where I work and what time I catch the bus. A bigger worry of mine is that he is probably doing this to other girls. I did nothing to ever elicit attention from this man so there is no reason he would choose me and only me to behave weird around.

I submitted a police report (that was unfortunately vague as I can't trust myself to remember the make/model of his truck and I've never seen his license plate).

I told my boss at my off-campus job about the incident and he and my coworkers were extremely kind in their willingness to walk me to, and wait with me at, the bus stop or drive me to campus if necessary. He also brought a camera when he walked me and was ready to take pictures if the guy showed up again. They also gave me strict instructions to call the police if the guy ever pulls up again and to make it known that I am taking pictures.

I am incredibly appreciative of their willingness to help me.

My boss has personal reasons to be particularly responsive to dangerous-bordering-on-stalker situations and I am so so grateful that he was there to hear my story and respond.

As I told them the story they mentioned how fortunate it was that the bus pulled up right when I was being physically approached. I know that the timing of the bus that day was a miracle for me. I know that God was watching out for me. I'm thankful to have the coworkers that I do, especially my boss who recognizes the potential danger in my situation.

I told my boss who I work for on campus and she too was incredibly supportive. I've never seen TG on campus, but if I do I know that she will do everything she can to help keep me safe.

I know God protected me on Wednesday. Even if the man had no bad intentions, God knew that I would feel uncomfortable with the situation and He got me out of it.

One of my bosses told me that she will be praying that the situation gets resolved safely. I appreciated her insight. I don't want to always just hope that I don't see TG again, I want him to know that what he did isn't okay and I want him to not do that to anyone else.

I am thankful for the people around me who care enough to tell me I was an idiot for not reporting TG sooner and who knew what to say to inspire me to do something about the situation.

I don't want to sound dramatic about this, maybe the guy thought he knew me or maybe he had no bad intentions, but he crossed the line and I am taking particular caution to keep myself out of a dangerous situation.

So, that is what happened recently. I'm glad I have people who will take care of me and keep me safe and I am glad that I have a Father in heaven who knows what I need and when and is willing to help me out.

That's what is new in my life! #yolo

Chanda :)

My third to last semester

My third to last semester is going just okay.

This one class is killing me, we have weekly quizzes that are really hard. No matter how confident I feel while taking them my grades vary. I've gotten all the way from a 95% to a 70%. I honestly can't figure out what I'm doing wrong.

Other classes are going well though. I've gotten As on most assignments/quizzes. I'm a note-taker for one class, I like being a note-taker because it makes me feel like I have to go to class so I ditch less. Ha ha.

I haven't done too much that is new or different this semester. Most of my weekends are just spent doing homework, grocery shopping, and hanging out with Roland and sometimes his family.

This past weekend I got to go to Mesa and see a lot of my family. I found out that my mom is one of 100+ first cousins, I knew I had a huge family but I hadn't before had a number to quantify it.

My aunt and uncle and their girls from Minnesota were in Mesa, I hadn't seen the girls in over two years. Tianna (their youngest, she is like 14 though so not even young) and I kept confusing people. We look similar (in that we both have blonde hair and the same glasses. And we're about the same height). It was incredible to see how much she and Dayna (age 18) have grown up. I still remember little baby Tianna who liked me more than Taryn (much to the dismay of Taryn). Ha ha.

I got to meet Jessica's (the oldest) son, Bryson. He is cute. The first day he just kind of walked around and held a ball... But he and I both had on Superman shirts- so that was cool. The second day he warmed up to me (probably because it wasn't hard for him to associate me into his good-person schema since I look so much like the rest of them). He would run up to me and hug me and play with me. He thought I was pretty hilarious. Jessica is actually expecting again, she is due in May.

Other news, Wade and Rachael are en-gagged now. They are thinking they will have the wedding the last week of August, which is really awful timing for anyone who is attending school. They haven't yet decided on a location (either NYC, Phoenix, or Paris). I wish them luck in that decision.

My roommate's mom passed away last week, keep her and her family in your prayers please. They are such wonderful people.

I've been able to teach the Gospel Principles class more this semester. I love it. The insights people have into the lessons is absolutely wonderful.

I've been thinking more about what I want to do when I graduate in a year and two months (or so). My roommate Emily pointed me towards being a Child Life Specialist. I think I would really enjoy that. I've looked into it and ASU has the only certificate program in Arizona. So maybe I"ll end up going there for a semester. Who knows?

My goals for the rest of this year are to take steps to progress to where I want to be in the future.
More specifically, I want to be better about going to activities outside of church (even though I usually don't like them, mostly because I have to not wear PJs to them).

Chanda :)