On September 12, 2014 I opened up my mission call. I had been wanting to serve a mission for 2 years, and finally the timing was right in my life and in God's plan.
I was called to serve in the California Rancho Cucamonga mission, speaking Spanish, and I was to report to the Mexico City MTC on December 31st. My only disappointment in that call was that I had to wait three and a half months to report. I was ready (at least mentally) to leave the next week.
I buckled down and made the most of my time to wait. I went shopping, I packed and repacked, I followed the weather in California, I worked as a nanny to pay off my student loans, I spent every Thursday driving an hour to the St. Paul Temple to work there, I continued studying Preach My Gospel and the Book of Mormon.
I was asked to give my farewell talk on December 14th. My dad flew to Minnesota from Arizona, my brother and his wife flew in from New York, and Erik's family flew in from Tucson. The night before my farewell talk we all ate out. When I got home I started feeling sick and spent the rest of the night with a fever, throwing up.
The next morning I debated whether or not I could make it to church. I had uncharacteristically written out my talk and thought about asking my mom to give it for me. But, a girl only gets one farewell talk and I decided to tough it out. My dad came over early to give me a blessing and I sallied forth and spoke in church.
While I was comfortable with the content of my talk, I was pretty disappointed in my presentation of it. Holding on to the pulpit and trying to concentrate on relaxing my stomach muscles didn't lend well to eloquent oration. I got through it, and received some very kind compliments about it. I went home straight after church, disappointed in my experience but accepting that it was what it was and I couldn't change it.
On December 20th I offered to help my mom decorate for the mid-single adults' New Year's dance. As part of the decorations, we were trying to hoist a homemade chandelier up in the middle of the gym. We had set up a pulley system, with 4 ropes, each going through the chandelier and then out to one of the four walls of the cultural hall. On each wall there was an eye-hook that the ropes went through and were pulled from the bottom.
One of the ropes got stuck on the eye-hook, so I climbed up the ladder to guide it through. I was on a 20 foot, A-frame ladder and my feet were about 17 feet up it. Everyone pulled on their respective ropes and I noticed that the eye-hook I was watching was coming undone. As I started to ask everyone to stop pulling, not just the eye-hook, but the entire piece of moulding that the eye-hook was attached to was torn out of the wall. Because it was attached to the other ropes, it had a lot of force coming off the wall and it knocked the (very heavy) ladder over, onto its side.
I knew that I didn't want the ladder or the moulding to land on top of me, so I did the logical thing and bailed off. I accomplished my two main objectives and landed safely away from the ladder and wall. Darla said that I looked very graceful as I landed on my feet and then crumpled.
The landing knocked the air out of me and the two elders who were helping with set up ran over and gave me a blessing of healing. After some deliberation, an ambulance was called and I was taken to St. Francis hospital.
I cracked my calcaneus (the heel bone) of my right foot and got a compression fracture on my T12 vertebra eleven days before I was supposed to leave for my mission. I spent 2 days in the hospital, unable to roll over or sit up without assistance. Over the next few weeks I had to let go of any sense of control or pride I once had as family members cooked for me, showered me, and helped me get dressed.
The day I was supposed to leave for my mission I spent crying, watching the clock and knowing exactly when the plane I wanted to be on took off, headed toward what I had been working for for two and a half years.
I still don't understand exactly why this happened. I have learned a lot, but I like to think that I probably could have gained this knowledge in an easier, less painful way. However, I have complete faith that God is in control and He knew what was happening and He let it happen. I do not doubt that if I was supposed to leave for my mission on December 31st, God could have prevented the accident. That He let it happen is a testament to me that it contained important lessons for me.
One of the more obvious things I gained from this experience is the knowledge of the irrefutable truth of the power and existence of higher laws. 17 feet up is 17 feet down and it doesn't take very long to fall.
William R. Bradford, in a 1977 session of General Conference, said "The law of gravity has its limits and conditions. All of the inventions and movements of man take into account these conditions. If a man falls from a high place, he must descend; it matters not his motives. He may have jumped or it might have been an accident; it matters not. For the law of gravity cannot be frustrated, and so he must fall and suffer the destructive consequences."
More recently in October of 2014, D. Todd Christofferson said "Resenting the law of gravity won’t keep a person from falling if he steps off a cliff. The same is true for eternal law and justice. Freedom comes not from resisting it but from applying it."
After my fall I really couldn't do much. I was dependent on others for anything that required movement or location. I had to accept that. I couldn't pretend that I wasn't hurt, I couldn't tough it out and go about my daily activities. Similarly, we have to accept that there are consequences to our every actions that we can't always ignore. God has given us wonderful tips on how to stay on the positive side of those consequences through His commandments. God knows us and how we tick, He wants us to be happy and has provided the way for that to happen. As I relied on God and His timing, my burdens were lifted. There were times when I felt sad and disappointed and definitely confused, but I learned that the power of faith is the power to let it go.
One of my favorite hymns, The Lord is My Light, came to mean so much more to me after my accident. The first line "The Lord is my light, then why should I fear?" reminds me of another favorite hymn which says "I believe in Christ, so come what may." These two lines became my motto. He is in control. Every petty challenge, or every seemingly insurmountable trial, already has a solution to it. I needed to learn to let Him take the wheel.
As I was lying in bed considering the many ways my fall was messing up all of my future, God already recognized that this would be more help than hindrance in the long run. Every time I have worried about losing a job, paying for an unexpected expense, or finding reasonable housing, God has known that my finances would work out. Nothing I did or could do would change the outcome that God had in mind for me. All I could do was to trust in Him and do my best. The only course of action available to me was to wait it out and have faith that the Lord knew what He was doing.
I tend to be very active and involved. I enjoy being busy and having my time filled up with meaningful work and activities. You can imagine, then, how difficult it was for me to suddenly have nothing but free time and the inability to move out of my bed. I felt like a waste of space. I wasn't progressing toward any goal. I wasn't contributing to any cause. I wanted to be serving a mission, and instead I was in pain and in bed. "And while I strive through grief and pain, His voice is heard 'Ye shall obtain.' " While I felt that all I was doing was killing time and being a burden to those around me, I found comfort in hearing that I would get what I wanted. My goals were not being taken from me permanently.
I didn't feel like I could do anything to improve or move forward in my goals but I found more comfort in another hymn, "Nearer my God to Thee, nearer to Thee. E'en though it be a cross that raiseth me." Even though I felt useless, I had to learn to accept that this was a teaching method. I needed to learn that even at my best, with me doing everything I can, I still need Christ to "reach my reaching" and help me improve. Needing help in this life helps us to learn how we must rely on God to save us. The various things we go through may seem to be weird methods of instruction, but when God is in charge, we can have faith that they are exactly what we need. Our eternal goal is to become closer to God, for that to happen we have to accept His lessons, whether they come as blessings or trials.
A thought that frequently occurred to me was that God knew exactly what I was going through. Christ personally felt my pain and sadness and worry surrounding this incident, yet God determined that even with how much it would hurt (physically and otherwise) I would benefit more for having gone through it. How great must the lessons and reasons be to justify to my loving Father in Heaven putting me through this accident?
I had to practice my patience. President Uchtdorf said "Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something & doing all that we can- working, hoping, & exercising faith, bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is not simply enduring, it is enduring well." Further, in Jesus the Christ, it says "...it is as necessary at times to wait as at others to work." I was able to practice leaning on God's timing as I waited out my recovery. I tried to remain patient and do what I could. I needed to be put in a position of helplessness so I could better learn to rely on others to help me.
I had many people who reached out to me in so many kind ways. I am incredibly grateful to those who went out of their way to express their love and well wishes to me.
One of my friends, Zac, sent me an email shortly after my accident. In it he quoted Doctrine and Covenants 64: 33-34 which says "Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great. Behold, the Lord requireth the heart and a willing mind; and the willing and obedient shall eat the good of the land of Zion in these last days." He related to me that this scripture helped him throughout his mission. We can take hope knowing that what God requires of us is the heart and a willing mind. He doesn't require constant work and activity. God only expects what we can give, He will make up the rest. That was of particular comfort to me since what I could give was so very little.
Erik, who is serving his mission in Chile, was disheartened to hear about my fall. The week following, one of the elders he lived with shared with him a scripture that he then sent to me. Doctrine and Covenants 6: 33-34, 36 "Fear not to do good, my sons, for whatsoever ye sow, that shall ye also reap; therefore, if ye sow good ye shall also reap good for your reward. Therefore, fear not, little flock; do good; let earth and hell combine against you, for if ye are built upon my rock, they cannot prevail. Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not." It was amazing to me to see God answering my prayers for comfort through a missionary in Chile who doesn't even know me. I knew that I was doing good, that I was doing what I could and trying to follow God. As this scripture states, all that I could do further was to stop doubting and not fear.
I set myself a goal to attend church by January 11th. I was able to go to that Sacrament meeting and in the meeting someone shared Doctrine and Covenants 58: 2-3 "For verily I say unto you, blessed is he that keepeth my commandments, whether in life or in death; and he that is faithful in tribulation, the reward of the same is greater in the kingdom of heaven. Ye cannot behold with your natural eyes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the glory which shall follow after much tribulation." I have never felt like I wanted much glory but this scripture touched me in its reference to much tribulation. I know that the reasons I went through everything are worth what happened.
I received many Priesthood blessings and I could feel the power of others prayers for me in action. I have absolute faith that God hears our prayers and answers them. I know that He uses others as His mouthpiece on earth and I am grateful to be surrounded by selfless, righteous people.
I feel petty for whining about my accident when I see so many others around me who have gone through, or are currently going through, so much worse. I am thankful that I have been able to heal so quickly and wholly. In the long run, this accident was not a big deal. The lessons I have learned, though, will impact me eternally and I am very grateful for that.
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