Hanging out at Taco Bell doesn't make me a taco. --Josh Shipp

Guilty by association is stupid.

Putting people in boxes based on predicted actions and reactions, whether accurate or not, is stupid.

I have a lot of friends.

I love them all dearly.

We have fun together.

We have things in common.

We also have differences.

So how do people justify guilty by association? How can they assume that they know who I am based on my friends?

Bryce Addison, my best friend for life, and I were always put together. Bryanda. Or Bryce and Chanda.

If I wasn't associated with him it was with Keegan. Keegan and Chanda.

I was okay with that in high school. Because I love them. And I didn't care about being independent.

But now I'm not okay with it.

I want to be just Chanda.

I want to be independent.

I want to be known for the things I do.

I want people to recognize what I think. Not what the people around me think.

I don't want people to put other people's words in my mouth.

Take ME at face value.

No one can predict how I am going to react to things based on other people.

I came to UA. Alone.

I made new friends.

I've only known these friends for like, 5 months.

Knowing someone for less than 5 months doesn't mean that I act the same as them.

I have yet to meet a friend who shares all of my beliefs and thoughts and motivations.

Even my friends that I have known for forever aren't the same as I am.

Just because Bryce is gay doesn't mean I am.

Just because Keegan is Catholic doesn't mean I am.

I'm not the same as my new friends either.

Just because Sarah doesn't like video games doesn't mean I won't play them.

Just because Becky is shy doesn't make me timid.

But still, if one of my friends does something to upset someone I am associated with it too.

That is ridiculous.

The other part of this is, where is the line? I want to be a loyal friend. I love my friends and they've done so much for me. But I love my other friends too.

I never realized how much drama can be caused between friends. Probably because in high school it was Bryce and Chanda. If one of us didn't like someone in our friend group...... well, we were the only people in our friend group so it would have been very difficult to do.

Maybe that is why I am having such a hard time handling this.

The current situation as I see it:

A got mad at B. A sent B an angry message. Me, C, didn't want anything to do with this.

A's message was harsh. But A was hurt and had been hurt by B more than once before. Thus, angry message was justified.

B asked me if I agreed with A.

I sent a nicer message pointing out things B could work on.

Not something anyone wants to read, but the truth as I saw it and worded nicely.

My reasoning: I like A and B. I think both A and B are good people. I didn't agree with everything A said to B. However, I wanted to back A up because I had seen A hurt by B so many times before. There were things that I did agree with in A's message.

BUT! Something went wrong. B took both messages as being from both A and myself. Now B won't talk to A or me. Stupid.

Problems? I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH A OR B!!! Well, now apparently I do.

I just don't get it. I'm very similar to both of the above mentioned friends.

I'm very different from both of the above mentioned friends.

Why does B have to put me in the same box as A?

Not that I don't like A.

I love A.

But I want my own box.

I want to be just Chanda.

And I hate that I hurt B.

I think B is a good person.

B and I seem to have a lot in common.

Nothing I told B was groundbreaking.

Its not fun to hear, I've been told the same things.

But isn't it important to recognize how people perceive you?

I love my friends.

They are wonderful people.

I respect them.

I want to be loyal to them.

But I also want to be separate from them.

And I don't want to hurt them again.

Just give me my own dang box.

Chanda C.