My feelings (not so eloquently put into words)

We're on day 6 since the accident with the ladder. I've had a lot of feelings, some medication induced and others natural. ;)

Overall, I know that I am blessed. I easily could have been hurt far worse by the fall. God was watching out for me, I recognize that. I am also blessed to have such a supportive family near me. They have not left my side (which is not as appreciated as much as it should be). They've catered to my every desire and not complained once. They've sacrificed sleep and comfort and traditions for me. They are so generous and sweet and thoughtful and Christ-like.

I also have felt a little goofy sometimes. I think that maybe that is a combination of the oxycodone (I'm a real lightweight) and the feeling of listlessness I have. So much energy, so little strength. My energy just comes out in bursts of odd behavior (see: the video my mom posted of me on her Facebook).

Also, though, I am incredibly sad. Practically since I moved to Minnesota I have been trying to leave. I was disappointed that my mission call was so far away when I opened it. I was thisclose to leaving. 11 days! 11 days away! I had been tracking the weather. I'd already packed and repacked my luggage. I had my itinerary printed out. I was counting down. Every letter I wrote to Erik started with the number of days left until I got to go serve the Lord in a warm place. To have this happen and have it delay my mission really really sucks.

When I fell, I jokingly told my mom that we would be laughing about the accident when I walked out of the hospital an hour later so I could leave on Dec 31. Before I fell I was up on the ladder with my aunt Darla and jokingly said that God had to protect me because I was due to serve Him in 11 days. (Please note: I was being very careful. My fall would not have happened had the wall not broken off and knocked the ladder over.) In the ER the doctor told me that I was 6-8 weeks out and I lost it.

6-8 more weeks in the cold. And these weeks are shaping up to be kind of terrible.

I love being productive. I am of the mindset that we are only given a certain amount of time on the earth and we ought to make the best of it. But now I am flat on my back for the next 4 weeks. I guess this is a slice of humble pie? I really can't do anything. I really can't go back to work as a nanny. My current concentration doesn't lend well to being able to enjoy a book. I feel completely useless, and I do not like that at all.

The worry has also crossed my mind that my back isn't going to get all the way better and that it will impact my ability to serve when I do go on my mission. I want to serve with all of my strength, and if I have to worry about a sore back/heel then I won't be able to give it my all. I want to serve for 18 months. I'm really scared I won't be able to.

And, lastly, I am frustrated that my future timing has been messed up. I was going to get back a month or so before Erik. I wanted to have a job and be situated by the time he came home so I could help him get back into school and everything he has to do. Now it looks like he will beat me home. That's not a big deal, and it really makes no difference in the long run, but I'm still annoyed about it.

I have reached out to a couple of people asking for online work to keep me busy. I've started reading the Book of Mormon in Spanish again. I've done several crosswords. I'm trying to keep myself up, but it is hard when I am forced to lie down.

My friend Alec texted me and said that God knows how eager I am to serve and He knew the only way to stall me was to throw me off a ladder. I can only hope that is the reason this is happening.

I am eager to serve. And eager to work and learn and get this itchy cast off my leg and be able to stand up again. But I guess I needed to learn patience? And I guess I didn't learn it well enough while I've been working since August. I hope that someday I will know the real reason why this happened and why it happened now. In the meantime, I hope that I will have less days like yesterday where I felt completely depressed and worthless and downtrodden and more days where I can feel useful and positive.

Thank you for the prayers. Thank you for reaching out. I'm blessed, and I definitely know that.

xoxo
Chanda

Fue un accidente

I fell! I was helping set up for a dance. I was on an A-frame ladder, guiding a rope through an eye-screw. The moulding that the screw was in came off the wall and knocked the ladder over (with me, 17 or 18 feet up on it).

When I fell I knew I wanted to get away from the part of the wall that had knocked the ladder over (because it had nails in it) so I tried to propel myself away from it and I also didn't want to have the ladder land on me.. and neither of those things happened, so I consider it a successful fall. Haha. My aunt measured today, my feet were at least 17 feet in the air. I'm so lucky that I am not hurt worse. I tried to roll when I hit the ground but I didn't have enough control so I just crumpled instead. But my mom ran over and held me and then the missionaries ran over and gave me a blessing right away. They were shaking and super scared, poor Elders.

Then my aunt and mom debated whether to call 911. I said no because I was just thinking about how pricey the ambulance is but I couldn't sit up and was having a hard time controlling my breathing. So then they called. The paramedics were nice and one of the policemen that showed up was a member, I think. He said "The Lord has a plan, don't stress out." and said that the church has insurance for accidents like this. Then my mom and aunt called my dad and Joe and my bishop.

I went to the hospital in the ambulance which was not very comfy. The guy gave me some pain medication which was nice. Then at the hospital I was rushed in and it was called a trauma code (trauma fall= any fall over two times the height of whoever fell). So they got me in to get X-rays and they asked me lots of questions. The X-rays hurt a lot because I had to bend and roll over and stuff. Then they gave me more pain medication. Dayna and Darla brought me dinner in the ER (Boston Market, mm). Bishop Hardy came and told me not to stress out or worry about anything. The doctor came in and said I would need to stay overnight for pain management and that I had two breaks (my spine and my foot) and that it would be 6-8 weeks for treatment and I started crying really hard. I had held it together until then, but I was just so excited to get out of MN. You know? Anyway, he was confused about why I was so sad about it, but my mom explained it to him.

Then they brought me to the special care unit and I spent the night hooked up to lots of machines and getting lots of pain medication in my IV. The heart rate monitor kept beeping because I have an irregular heartbeat, so that was really annoying. Taryn came after work and brought me my Erik-pillow and toothbrush and deodorant. Darla and Dayna brought me underwear and a bra. The nurse said she wanted to get the Spanish speaking nurse to come teach me Spanish so I wouldn't have to be sad about not leaving on my mission yet. Everyone was so nice. I got my foot nice and wrapped up in a splint.

The next morning I got more X-rays and then they moved me to a general care room. A spine doctor came to talk to me and an orthopedic surgeon. I got a back brace (the guy had to make it smaller like five times before it finally fit me, ha ha). My family and the nurses had to help me pee-- goodbye dignity. I couldn't stand up or roll over on my own at all. The narcotics they were giving me made me really dizzy and nauseous. They started giving me my medication orally to see if I could handle it.

I was fine except any sort of overexertion (meaning, staying sitting up for more than a minute without help) made me really weak, shaky, and light headed. I enjoyed having a hospital bed that I could sit up with. My aunt and cousins brought me clothes and another toothbrush, plus hairbrush and headbands. My mom and sister went to Target and picked up my favorite snacks so I always had something to eat when I took my medicine. Dayna and Tianna spent the whole day with me. President Kerr and his wife came to see me that night, it was nice to chat with them. He gave me a blessing. I appreciated his support and encouragement.

I spent that night in the hospital, too. That night my foot started hurting a lot. It woke me up every 4 hours or so, burning. It was awful but I am guessing that means it is healing? My mom helped me shower that morning. I am really regressing, needing help using the restroom and then having my mom see me totally naked. :/ No dignity. It was great to wash my hair and face, though. Melanie braided my hair so it was off my face and I spent all morning sleeping and taking medicine and talking to various doctors and nurses.

I was finally released and given a leg scooter. The nurse wheeled me out to meet my mom at the car and I threw up three times, which is really painful with a hurt back. The nurse gave me vomit bags, which look like giant condoms, so that is fun. When I got home I tried to stop taking the narcotic pain medicine, but the ibuprofen and tylenol were not cutting it. So I will deal with nausea for a little while longer and try in a few days to give up the narcs again. 

So last night my foot was hurting really badly. Madam Pomfrey wasn't kidding when she gave Harry Skelegro and told him that growing bones is painful business. OUCH.. It feels like there are two fires in my heel and sometimes they touch and then shoot up my leg. Yeck. Don't jump off any ladders, okay team? My back is mostly just really sore like muscle sore. You know when you shiver a lot and then your back hurts from it? It feels like that constantly, like my muscles are just tensing all the time. It feels better if I lay flat for a long time. After naps I feel fine in my back, but when I have to get up or sit up or move it starts hurting and takes a long time to stop spasming.

Dayna had moved my bed to the main floor, so I'm in the living room now. I feel totally helpless. I tried to brush my teeth and ended up just crying because it hurt too bad to stay upright for that long. My siblings, mom, cousins, and aunt and uncle have been so wonderful to me. They are incredibly selfless. They're all willing to stay up with me to keep me on a medicine schedule, they've all offered to get me food and drinks and to help me stand and put on my brace and scoot around. I am so thankful. My dad offered to bring me to AZ so Luna could heal me with her dog powers (I declined, mostly because I doubt I would be able to sit up in a plane for longer than five minutes without passing out).

We also got ding-dong-ditched with a plate of delicious cookies and a get well card from someone mysterious. I've had so many friends reach out to me on Facebook, email, and texting. I'm really really blessed.

Bishop Hardy and President Kerr have been in contact with the mission people. My call still stands, I'll just be reissued a report date once we know when I will be physically able to go. Hopefully that will be February (my own timeline, not anyone else's, haha).

I don't know why this happened now. I don't know if I will ever know why (but I hope I do someday). I'm thankful for the support and service I've been given.  I'm so thankful for my family. I'm thankful for insurance. I'm thankful for prayers.

I know that God already has this all figured out. I just have to keep doing my best and trust in His timing. In the meantime, any suggestions on books to read? :)

xoxo

Chanda

My farewell talk

Forgive the lack of citations and the inclusion of awkward jokes. I typed this out so I could send it to Erik. It has been requested by a few, so here it is! xoxo

Good morning! I am happy to be here, I suppose I should take this time to introduce myself. My name is Chanda Crossman, I am Charla's oldest daughter (not Darla's youngest, Tianna, who I am often mistaken for). I moved here in the beginning of August from Florida where I was working as an intern at Disney World. Prior to that I had lived in Tucson, Arizona where I graduated in May from the University of Arizona with a bachelors degree in Psychology. I will be leaving here to serve a Spanish speaking mission in Rancho Cucamonga, California at the end of the month. Within a year I will have lived in the most Northern, Southern, Eastern, and Western edges of the US.

I've been grateful for my time here as it has provided me many opportunities that I didn't realize I wanted. I've been thankful for the time I have had to get to know my siblings as adults, since when I moved away to college they were still children to me. I've loved getting to know new people especially the families who I have worked for, and all of the nursery kids in this ward will forever hold a place in my heart. I have been fortunate enough to live in a home where I could grow spiritually and feel support through all of the transitions and preparations of going on a mission. I've been afforded the opportunity to work in the St. Paul temple weekly for the past few months and have appreciated the strength that comes from feeling God's peace.

As I look at these blessings in my life, I am overcome with gratitude for the service that has been given to me. It is clear to me, as a recipient of Christlike service, why it is such a fundamental principle of the Gospel of Christ. I hope to relay these same feelings of the overwhelming joy of service to you today.

Why is service so essential to the Gospel? On a structural level, it is how the Church operates. Countless hours are voluntarily spent by members of our church to keep it running. But this principle runs deeper than that. Why do we care so much about serving others?

In large part, our testimony of our Heavenly Father compels us to action. The knowledge that He gave us all that we have; physical bodies, the earth to live on, finances, even every minute of our days drives us to serve others. Because everything we have comes from God, we should be willing to share it all. 

Time and time again, especially recently, I have been reminded that God's systems and views are not ours. I recently had a mechanical issue with my car. As I was murmuring a little about how this would affect my funds for my mission and my ability to pay off my student loans, my aunt gently reminded me that there was a bigger picture. She suggested that perhaps the mechanic needed a little extra cash for Thanksgiving and God knew I could spare it. While this was not necessarily service, it still speaks as a reminder to recognize God's will and trust in His processes and promptings.

President Kimball said, and President Monson recently quoted: "We must remember that those mortals we meet in parking lots, offices, elevators, and elsewhere are that portion of mankind God has given us to love and to serve." The people in our lives are there for a greater purpose than we can know, we are just given the responsibility to serve them without needing to know why.

The service we give comes in many forms, in fact, I daresay much of the good we do we don't even recognize as service because it comes so naturally to us. Sharing God's light, through deliberate deeds of kindness, through sacrifices of time or resources, or through any other action we take because of our love and compassion is an act of service. Any time we put someone else before ourselves, we are in their service. And, as we know, when we are in the service of our fellow beings we are only in the service of our God. Service is not only about fulfilling a need, it is about showing love to our brothers and sisters.

Because I moved here so recently, when I went through the Temple and received my endowments I flew to Arizona to be with family. I had been feeling pretty lonely and friendless in Minnesota and was looking forward to being around people who wanted to be around me. That weekend, a member of our ward here sent me a text saying she was thinking of me. For her, it probably was not a big deal or sacrifice, but it meant the world to me. It made it much easier to fly back here after my weekend around the people who I am close with.

We can choose, right now, to serve God through serving His people. As we give service, and sacrifice our time, putting others before ourselves, we will grow closer to Him and to our neighbors. We can choose to do what is right, rather than what is easy. Many of us can recount experiences in which we lost ourselves in the service of others and found those moments to be among the most rewarding of life despite what that service may have interrupted in our own lives.

A favorite character of mine, from my favorite book series, was a wonderful example of voluntary service. Dobby, a house elf, regularly put aside his own tasks and responsibilities to help everyone he could. On one occasion, he even gave up sleep to help Harry. In the end, Dobby sacrificed himself for the cause of good and helped save not only those who he was friends with, but strangers who were also in danger.

Service is entirely unselfish. Through service we gain testimony and develop charity in ourselves. It is no wonder that we are promised that whosoever will lose his life for Christ's sake, shall find it. As we transcend our tendency to think only of ourselves, we learn to see with a bigger view our purpose on this earth. Serving like Jesus Christ has a cleansing effect on us. It helps us understand the idea that our time, talents, and possessions are not just our own.

President Hinckley said, "What a therapeutic and wonderful thing it is for a man or woman to set aside all consideration of personal gain and reach out with strength and energy and purpose to help the unfortunate, to improve and beautify the community, to clean up the environment. Tremendous happiness and peace of mind are the results of loving service to others."

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends" (John 15:13). This doesn't mean we have to die to show our love for our friends. We lay down our lives every time we put someone else's needs before our own. Each moment we pause to hold the door open, to write an encouraging note, or to fill out a check to fast offering we are laying down our lives for those around us and emulating our Savior.

The example that was laid for us by Jesus Christ drives us to serve. He commanded us to love one another AS HE LOVED US. How did He show His love to us, his fellowmen? He went about doing good and implored us to follow His example. He fed the hungry, He healed the sick, He blessed those in need, He was about His Father's business and through it all He asked for us to follow Him. Every minute of His life, which He ultimately sacrificed in the paramount example of service for us, was spent in the service of His fellow human beings.

He asked us to always abound in good works. He instructed us to do good to those who hate us. To love our enemies, to bless them that curse us, and to pray for them who despitefully use and persecute us. He told us that we could follow Him and be known as his disciples if we have and show love to one another. He asked us to let our lights shine, that others would see our good works and glorify our Father in Heaven. He asked us to be steadfast and immovable and always abound in good works. Again, the importance of service was underlined in the inclusion of it in our baptismal covenants. We agree to bear one another's burdens, to mourn with those that mourn, and comfort those who need it.

Because we are able to look to Christ as the ultimate example of service, we are duty-bound to help those around us. The importance of giving service to our souls is underlined and emphasized again and again in the scriptures and in modern day revelation.

President Monson, a man who exemplifies the Savior's love and pattern of service so well, said: "Perhaps when we [face] our Maker, we will not be asked, ‘How many positions did you hold?’ but rather, ‘How many people did you help?' You can never love the Lord until you serve Him by serving His people.”

The beauty of following Christ's example is that we don't need to evaluate who, when or how we serve, we just act. We ought to recognize that "slightest actions often meet the sorest needs." We trust that God will empower us to help the people who He put into our lives and, often, in our direct paths. President Kimball noted "God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs."

A couple of years ago I ended a relationship that had meant a lot to me. It was a difficult thing to do and I really struggled with it. I needed a Priesthood blessing, but felt it was an awkward thing to ask for help with a breakup in a singles ward (you never know who your next boyfriend will be). I prayed about what I was feeling and went about my business. The same day I got a text from one of my friends in my ward that said “Hey Chanda, I just thought I should let you know if you ever need a blessing I’m here for you.” Now, I have no doubt that God could easily have sent down an angel to comfort and strengthen me, however, instead, He sent my friend Christian.

In Florida, my living situation was kind of awful. I didn’t feel any support or companionship with my roommates and I felt like a faceless number in my ward. I made friends with a guy at work named Rob. Rob is not a member of the church, but I was able to talk to him about a lot of things and he was supportive of my choice to go on a mission. He started coming to church with me every week, preventing me from having to sit alone. When I moved he gave me a goodbye card with his email address so we can keep in contact when I am on my mission and, knowing my concern about the cost of a mission, included some cash in it. He worked with me at Disney World, I know what he made and I know he sacrificed a lot to show me his support.

Not only do we, as disciples of Christ and grateful children of our Heavenly Father, have the desire to serve because of our testimonies, we have been commanded to serve others. As mentioned earlier, part of our baptismal covenant is to bear one another's burdens, to mourn with those that mourn, and to comfort those that need it. As we serve unselfishly, we are obeying God's commandments to us and are entitled to blessings from Him. He will guide us. He will lift OUR burdens. And our "soul[s] will glow with love from that perfect Light above."

Since I majored in Psychology in school, I turned to studies about the benefits of service. I love to look at modern science and watch as it catches up with the Gospel's truths. A few recent studies have found that being stingy is correlated with higher levels of stress; that being altruistic at work increases your happiness and job performance and satisfaction; that unselfish people have a lower risk of dying early; and that volunteering improves general well-being, marriages, life satisfaction, and it decreases depression.

Is it any wonder, that He who created us and knows our bodies perfectly, commanded us to do something that makes us happier and healthier? Scientifically speaking, giving service is good for us. And that is not surprising when we know the ultimate Scientist designed our systems and gave us commandments to follow that would allow these systems to operate and bring us joy. This awareness brings into new perspective the lines from a favorite hymn "Love's labor has merit alone" and "Doing good is a pleasure, a joy beyond measure." Truly, living this Gospel is the way to happiness.

How do we serve? I have always enjoyed giving service and when I was trying to decide what to get my degree in I remarked that I wanted to help people, but that I doubted I would ever be financially well enough to give them money, so I had to do it another way. Luckily for me, there are a plethora of opportunities all around.

Within the church, our commitment to service is broad. As discussed briefly, our Church runs on volunteer work. Missionaries volunteer their time and temporarily lay down their educations, career goals, social lives, and the opportunity to see the new Star Wars and Superman movies in theaters to serve the Lord and their fellowmen. Our leaders and clergy members don't receive compensation for their time and service given. And on top of all of that, we yet still donate money to causes like feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, and disaster relief. And many members give their time, talents, and funds to causes outside the church.

President Monson, said of service and showing love: "All important will be our ability to recognize someone’s need and then to respond. I have always cherished the sentiment expressed in the short poem:

I have wept in the night

For the shortness of sight

That to somebody’s need made me blind;

But I never have yet

Felt a tinge of regret

For being a little too kind"

Anything good or kind is of God. We won't regret showing kindness or giving service. If you feel enlightened at any time about a need someone has or a way you can serve, act on it! We are God's hands, He will give us promptings--which we should respond to promptly! If you ever feel the desire to serve but don't have a specific recipient or project in mind, pray about it and see where it leads you. However, if you don't get an answer, serve anyone, do anything. Bring cookies to a neighbor, send a text to an old friend, go for a walk and pick up trash on your way (or do the winter equivalent and shovel a sidewalk or something.. whatever you do in Minnesota in the wintertime). We all can use an increase of love in our lives.

As I have been preparing to go on a mission I’ve been astounded at the ways people have been willing to serve me. Bishop Beck, in Florida, said without hesitation that his ward would take me in if I were to leave from there. My family members have volunteered to help support me while I am gone. My aunt and uncle have let me live with them since August, which I’m sure has not always been a walk in the park. I’ve been sent encouraging emails and texts and notes from friends. The people who I work for let me become a part of their families when they hired me, even knowing it was a short term arrangement and they would need to find someone else sooner rather than later (and searching for nannies is not a fun process). Family gathered in Mesa from all around Arizona and even some from Minnesota to support me when I went to the Temple for the first time. Now, I have family and friends who have come to Minnesota to hear me speak in church (hope it is worth it).

I am grateful for the service that has been shown to me. It is incredible, and I know that anything I do will be completely underwhelming when compared to the sacrifices and gifts of time that have been done for me.

We are instructed in Isaiah to "Strengthen the weak hands, And make firm the feeble knees. Say to those who are fearful-hearted, Be strong, do not fear! Behold, your God will come with vengeance, With the recompense of God; He will come and save you.”

One of the best ways to give service, and I should probably be given my badge right now for saying this, is to share the Gospel with others. Even with everything we can do physically for someone, the gospel of Jesus Christ is the only cure for so many of life's ills that we should and do want to share the good news of eternal life with urgency. We have felt the peace that comes after a prayer is answered. We have felt the joy that follows sincere repentance. We weekly have left meetings feeling rejuvenated and re-inspired to improve and not give up. We've witnessed miracles that have come through fasting and priesthood blessings. We know that we have a purpose on this earth, and we know what that purpose is. We have so many answers to so many of life's deepest questions. It is our privilege to share that with others.

One of the easiest way to share our beliefs is to "be ready always to give an answer to every man that ask[s us] a reason of the hope that is in [us]." I have no revolutionary ideas for you to do this, but to remember the joy that your testimony of God and Jesus Christ bring you and let that inspire your actions and words. I had a coworker once who, when he found out that I am a member of the church, said it was no wonder that I was always so nice and friendly. Now, I don’t think I am really THAT nice and friendly, but I was happy to hear that he could associate me as a disciple of Christ because of the way I acted.

I have a wonderful friend who I used to live with. She is not a member of our church, despite almost every single member of our ward referring her to the missionaries at some point or another. When I asked her if she ever felt uncomfortable when they came around she said that at first she did, but then she realized that they were like dogs trying to lick her. They were just happy and trying to show her love, they didn't realize how uncomfortable they were making her. Opportunities to share God's Light don't have to be awkward.

My best friend is serving a mission in Santiago. He recently wrote to me about someone who he is teaching. She is struggling to quit smoking and he felt impressed to extend an invitation to her to be baptized so she would have a specific goal to work towards. In his words, “She said no, but that’s okay!”

What I think we need to remember is that we want everyone to have the opportunity to hear the Gospel, but we aren't trying to coerce or trick people into getting baptized. We are looking for people who want answers. Many people have questions and concerns that the Gospel can answer. That same friend also recently pointed out that you can find the word conversion in the word conversation. It is by talking to people and listening to their responses that we can discern how we can help them, whether that be doing something physical or simply sharing our testimonies of a Gospel truth that can bring them comfort.

Because we have been blessed by the Love of our God, we want to share His love. We can always look to the example of our Savior who went about doing good and declaring the Gospel among all people. He lifted people up. He showed them that He cared for them. He listened and healed and taught correct principles when things were misunderstood. We should strive to live as He lived. Loving those around us and letting our lights shine to illuminate their lives.

Fare Thee Well

This past weekend was my farewell talk, and it was quite a doozy.

My dad flew in late Thursday night, but we didn't see him until Friday morning. When he came in the morning he surprised us by bringing Wade and Rachael with him! We hadn't all been together since Wade and Rachael's wedding in August of 2013.

Most of that day we all spent together. We went out to eat at Tommy's Malt Shop, then we returned home and caught up/wrestled/etc. That night some of the kids and Dad went swimming and then we went and ate a a BBQ place for our "Christmas Dinner" with our dad.

The next day we went to Mall of America. We wandered around and then met up around lunchtime with Mom, Darla, Joe, Jessica, and Bryson. Mom stayed with us and we did the ropes course and zipline (I enjoyed the zipline, but did not like the ropes course-- everyone else seemed to, though). Then we rode on two roller coasters and ate early dinner/late second lunch. I loved getting to spend time with my family. It is crazy to think about how old we are all getting and how different we all are. I love them with all of my heart.

The kids and Dad went back to the hotel room to kill some time. Melanie did my hair and Wade, Rachael, and Aaron played a card game.

After that we went to dinner with the Petersens!! They flew all the way from AZ to come to my farewell! Dinner went well, but I don't know if I will ever eat Pizza Hut again (foreshadowing).

I said goodbye to Wade and Rachael. They're so wonderful, I'm glad I got to see them again before I leave. They gave me a lovely journal that I am excited to fill up with stories about annoying companions and rejection and, like, the miracles of missionary work or whatever. ;)

After dinner, My mom and I went back to the house with the Petersens. My siblings went to the hotel with my dad. I chatted with Emma and Phillip a little bit and then, as I was getting ready for bed, I started feeling super sick.

The rest of the night I spent "reverse fasting" (as Wade eloquently worded it). I didn't sleep very much (if at all) and I felt terrible. I debated if I was going to still try to go to church. I knew I couldn't vomit any more because I was totally on empty, but I still felt like I was going to and I was feeling very achy and weak. I called my dad and asked him to give me a blessing. He came over early and said, in the blessing, that I wouldn't throw up and that I would feel better quickly. I was hoping "quickly" meant 5 minutes, but it turned out to mean like 15 hours. Still faster than a lot of people do.

I manned up and went to church. Taryn, Mel, and I practiced our song (Because I Have Been Given Much) with Melissa and then church started. Melanie got her Personal Progress medallion! When I took the Sacrament bread I looked at Darla and crossed my fingers for luck. Food! Woo! The girl who spoke before me, Alyssa, did a great job. I was quite impressed with her and how well put together she is.

I gave my talk and it went okay. I felt sick and so I rushed through it and didn't do as well as I know I could have, had I felt better. But several people told me that they really enjoyed it, so I guess I didn't suck.

Then Taryn, Melanie, and I sang. It went well, I guess?

After Sacrament meeting I went home and tried to sleep. I felt so sick. And I felt bad that my dad and the Petersens came all the way from AZ to see what turned out (in my eyes) to be a sub-standard talk and then have me hide in my room dying all day.

They had lunch (my favorite... it is a cruel world, folks). I came down toward the end of lunch and ate a chip and a cube of cantaloupe.

My dad left. It was hard to say goodbye, crazy to think I won't see him for 18 months. I appreciate everything he did/does for me. He has sacrificed a lot to show me that he cares about me.

I napped some more and then went downstairs and "helped" (watched other people) get ready for the open house. Quite a few people showed up and they were all so kind. I didn't get to know many people in the ward so I was surprised at how many went out of their way to wish me luck.

I received a lot of really positive feedback on my talk, which made me happy. I am truly blessed.

Then I went to sleep and woke up this morning feeling cured. IT IS A MIRACLE!

Overall, this weekend was awesome. It was unfortunate that it was so overshadowed with illness, but I am incredibly grateful for the support and love I felt. I'm glad I was able to spend time with my family (all of them!) and for the sacrifices they made for me. I'm thankful for the Dobbins and their sacrifices for me and my guests. They hosted the open house and the lunch yesterday. I'm so happy and grateful that the Petersens came and I was able to see them another time. Minnesota in December isn't a dream vacation (although, the weather really REALLY warmed up).

I'm incredibly blessed. I'm incredibly thankful. <3 I want to eat ALL THE THINGS.

xoxo
Chanda