HEYOH.
How's it going? Well, this is old news by now but I am home again. Early. Because almost nothing in life goes as planned. :)
I got a hernia in December. From the stomach flu. Either my stomach muscles are incredibly strong or my lower abdominal muscles are incredibly weak. Or maybe both.
Anyway, the area medical man for my mission told me that I would have to get surgery and I would have to go home to get the surgery. I was, obviously, very sad about that. However, my mission president and his wife and the mission nurse and I all decided that I was going to wait it out. Because hernias are not life-threatening unless they become strangulated and infected (which mine wasn't), we were able to make that call.
I didn't want to go home but I also didn't feel completely at ease with my intestines sometimes poking through my abdominal wall (imagine that). With all of the walking and hugging and activity of being a missionary, the hernia would present itself every 2 or 3 days and it hurt. I was keeping in communication with President Hobbs and his wife about it and trusting in God.
The option presented itself that I could get the surgery done in California. I opted for that, but it ended up not working out. (We couldn't get permission because recovery time is so individual they didn't want to risk me being in the field but not able to work for more than a week.)
I was hesitant about going home because I was having a hard time loving a lot of my mission. I loved meeting people, I loved talking to people, I loved church, I loved teaching, I loved contacting, I loved studying, I loved working. I did not love being surrounded by 18-20 year old Mormons who were just starting to figure out which end was up. That was really socially challenging for me.
I was praying and fasting that whatever needed to happen would just happen and that President Hobbs would know what I needed to do. I was uncomfortable having a hernia, but I was unhappy with the thought of going home early and having to come back out.
On a Thursday in January President Hobbs called me and said "Sister Crossman, we think you need to go home." I had fasted the Sunday before that he would make a decision and that it would be the right one, so I was ready to accept it. We had 4 weeks before the next "transfers" (every 6 weeks missionaries get moved around, they switch companions and areas so it would have been a good time for me to go home and have someone else moved into my place without disrupting other companionships -- an "ET" - emergency transfer.) and I assumed I would just be moved out then. "We think you should go home on Monday."
I was a hot mess. I didn't want to go home, I didn't want to come back out, I didn't want to say goodbye, I wasn't even going home to a ward where I knew people.
Despite all of my feelings, the next Monday I was on a plane going to Mesa. The original plan was that I would get home, get surgery the next week, and then be back in my mission in time for the transfers coming up.
I was met at the airport by my mom, Darla, Jessica, Dayna, and Tianna. We went out to Mi Amigo's with Myrna and I ate a green corn tamale (my true love) and I held a baby (shhh). I was released by the stake president.
The next day I had an appointment with the surgeon. And, despite best efforts, my hernia would not present itself. Based on my description the surgeon confirmed that it definitely is a hernia but that without seeing it he is hesitant to schedule a surgery. It could be one of two types and the surgery has minor changes depending on the type/location. The surgeon said that I am "too muscley" (the first and only time I have been, or will be, called that) and he instructed me to go home and call him the next time it presented itself. He would meet me somewhere to look at it so we could proceed.
I tried, friends. I really tried. All I managed to do was make the entire area swell up (which, I learned from the nurse, is a very bad thing). I got a blessing from my dad and in it was said "Things will take longer than originally anticipated." (obviously).
Also in the blessing I was told that if I go back on my mission or not, God is happy with what I have done, He has a plan in place for either choice, and that no blessing will be withheld on condition of this choice.
I went back and forth for the next 5 weeks. Trying to get a job and then deciding that I couldn't because I have to have surgery and then I might go back on my mission. I interviewed and accepted jobs only to call the people and tell them never mind the next day. I couldn't decide which job I would even want to get. I wanted to be a nanny but realized that nannying experience wouldn't help me get a grown-up job when I got home. On top of that, I had/have no car and no money to buy a car. I don't know many people in Mesa and really I just wanted to move to Tucson. But I didn't have a job or a car and I still needed surgery and I still haven't decided whether I am going back on my mission or not.
That was pretty much the past 5 weeks in a nutshell, ha ha. My hernia has only presented itself once since that initial surgeon's appointment and it was at 11:30 PM on a Friday, not exactly an ideal time to show the doctor.
My mom and I were in a car accident thing (this lady hit our car on purpose because she felt we were driving too slowly) and it shook me up a lot. My uncle gave me a blessing and in the blessing I was instructed to "Get to work."
I accepted two jobs. One is with children who have autism. I (will) help them work on their goals and provide help to their families. I'm excited about this job because I get to work with children and help families. It also presents an opportunity to further my experience in Psychology and one of the supervisors referred me to an awesome Masters program that I am looking into. The other is at a home for unaccompanied minors who are in the States from other countries. I'll be a mentor/babysitter for them. That interview was in Spanish and I passed, which was scary and exciting. I like this job because I will be helping the community and improving my Spanish. Also, they have centers in Tucson where I might be able to transfer.
I have finished almost all of the trainings for these jobs and should be starting in the next couple of weeks.
I have no idea what the next few months of my life is going to look like. But I know that God is leading it, so I'll just follow along as best I can.
xoxo
Chanda
